F 128 
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TING 
APARTMl 



G-SMITH-STANTO 




Class 
Book. 



Copyright ]^°_ 






COPYRIGHT DEPOSrr. 




An Apartment House, 



RENTING A 

Furnished Apartment 



A NARRATIVE 



SETTING FORTH THE EXPERIENCES OF AN 
OUT-OF-TOWN FAMILY IN THE METROPOLIS 



BY 



G. SMITH STANTON 

Author of "Where the Sportsman Loves to Linger, 
"When the Wildwood Was in Flower," etc. 



New York : 

J. S. OGILVIE PURLISHING COMPANY, 

57 Rose Street. 



.J" 
■ 3S 



Copyright, 1916, by G. Smith Staxton 



MAR 31 I'sie 



CI.A427480 



To tho.sr who possess our of the great- 
est hlessin(/s of this life, a sense 
of humor, this volume is dedicated. 



PREFACE 

Physicians tell us that it is absolutely necessary, in 
order to obtain and retain good health, to liave a hearty 
laugh every day. If any page of this little volume has that 
desired effect on the reader, the object of its production 
will be accomplished. 



CONTENTS. 

chapti:h I. PAGE 

''The Call of the Wild" 13 

CHAPTER II. 
Getting Initiated 25 

CHAPTER III. 
The Holidays 38 

(/HAPTER IV. 
Storms Without and Within 50 

CHAPTER V. 

Sweet With the Bitter 61 

CHAPTER VI. 

Life Is One Thing After Another 75 

CHAPTER VII. 
The Girl Erom Riverside Drive 90 

CHAPTER VIII. 
Trials and Tribulations 101 

(CHAPTER IX. 
"Back to the Soil" Ill 



LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 

An Apartment Plouso Frontispiece 

Herald Square 14 

The Riverside Court 18 

German Band 20 

An Apartment House 23 

'SSleep Out'' 26 

Rex 29 

Our Protectors 31 

Across the Hudson to Jersey 33 

The Long" Ishind Home 36 

Mr. Cliano-e, Head of the Househohl 39 

Scene in Bronx Bark 41 

One of Central l*ark's Winding Higlnvays 43 

Unloading the Night Shift 45 

Greeting the New Year 48 

Riverside Drive, Soldiers Monument 51 

Times Square, Change & Co 53 

Skating Scene in Central Park 56 

Tlie Birds and Leaves Are Gone 57 

Where Miss Murphy Had a Free Ride 59 

Behind the Scenes 62 

The Opposite Court 64 

J. P. Morgan & Co.— Mills Building 66 

The Iowa Stock Ranch in the Early Days 69 

Criminal Building, Tombs and Bridge of Sighs 71 

City Hall, Municipal Building. 73 

U 



12 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 

A Keminder of the Dentist Chair 76 

*^The Man in the Overalls" 77 

The Garbap:e Express 81 

On the Way to the Diiiiip 84 

Th-e Dump 85 

Learning Each Other's Lan<»ua*>-e 87 

The Preparatory School on the Hudson 91 

The 'T. of M." 93 

The Old Town Car, IJaniior 95 

Mr. Clianiie's Maine Camp 97 

Old Orchard Beach 99 

The Harbor of New York 102 

West End Avenue 105 

The Sanitarium in the Adirondacks 108 

Taking an Airing 109 

Riverside Drive, Grant's Tomb 112 

The Cook Can Wave to the Cop 113 

Preferable as Voters to the Scum of Europe 116 

Tliev Risk their Lives for Ours 119 



Renting a Furnished Apartment 



CHAPTER I 



Did you ever hear tlie sayiiiii:: ''Everybody likes a 
change?" Certainly you haye. The only thing on earth 
that does not like a change is an animal. Tliey would 
rather die than leaye their happy home. The only differ- 
ence between a human being and an animal so far as a 
change is concerned is that the animal knows Avlien he is 
well off, whereas the human family have to make the 
change in order to ascertain what the animal already 
knows. 

For several years a family — father, mother and 
daughter — resided in the suburbs of New York City. 
''When the melancholy days have come, the saddest of the 
year," or in other words Avlien the leaves began to fall, the 
mother and daughter often remarked hoAV pleasant it must 
be to spend the winter in the city. The more they thought 
of it the more determined they became to make the move. 
Against the wishes of the father they decided to close their 
house for the winter months, discharge the help and rent a 
furnished apartment in the big town. The question how to 
proceed was forced upon them. A friend told them to put 

13 



14 RENTING A FT RXISHED APARTMENT 

an ^^ad" in a newspapi^r. After consnltation the friend 
wrote out the "ad/' whieli read as foUows: ''Wanted for the 
winter niontlis, a furnislied apartnu^nt Avitli elevator, by a 
family of three adnlts, must be on the West Side in the 
nei.^'hborliood of tlie nineties. Require a kitchenette and 
restaurant in building'. Address riiani^e, Herald Office/' 




Herald Square. 

Tlie next morning' and for sevei-al days thereafter "Ohan^iie" 
seemed to be very popular in Herald S([uare. Tlie answers 
Avere gone over, those selected that seemed to meet the 
requirements, and the motli(T and daui^hter started on the 
hunt. Tliere are few people on earth who haven't been 
house huntinii', so one can imaijine what the ladies went 
throutili ere thev found tlieir abode for the winter. 



'^THE CALL OF THE WILD" 15 

Several trunks and numerous scrips were packed, the 
water turned off, tlie maids turned adrift and a big New 
Foundland doii', with an anxious expression, shipped to the 
nearest dog kennel. 

The father, wlio was a '^commuter," was informed that 
he was gulping his last breakfast for the present in the old 
home and was given a number and street on a card where 
he would find his better half and daughter as the sun was 
sinking among the Jersey hills. 

After doing some shopping and taking luncheon the 
mother and daugliter sought their future home and were 
carried to the seventh floor bv the elevator, manipulated 
by an ebony attendant. As the ladies sailed through the 
various rooms of the apartment, they discussed the changes 
that one tenant invariably makes over his i3redecessor. As 
they looked out of the different windows the daugliter re- 
marked, ''Why, mother, we don't look on to a street. What 
we thought was a street is a court." The motlier inquired, 
"What is this on the other side?" "That is a court also." 
"Well, don't say anything to your father, he will never 
know the difference." The daughter almost burst into tears 
at the thought of entertaining her male and female friends, 
especially the former, in a rear apartment. But the apart- 
ment was in a first-class neighborhood, elegantly furnished 
and the courts white, wide and airy, one opening into River- 
side Drive, and as the lease had been signed, the ladies soon 
became reconciled to their surroundings. They had looked 
at so many apartments they hardly knew what they had 
rented. 

The trunks and grips began to arrive, and as the clock 
in Saint Michael's was striking the hour of six, in walked 
the party whom we all "8. O. S." when in financial dis- 
tress. Fortunately for the ladies, as the head of tlie house 



]() RENTING A FI'RNISHED APARTMENT 

strolled up Broadway with a friend, lie had dropped into 
a cafe, was in a happy frame of mind and somewhat 
obliyious to surroundings, so eyerythin^i: looked good to 
him, the courts included. A maid who slept out and did 
the chamber work for the party who sublet the apartment 
to the Change family, consented to remain as manipulator 
of the bed linen and head duster of the furnishings. 

How unfortunate it was that the Change family chose 
Saturday for embarking in the furnished apartment line, 
for of all the nights in the big city Saturday is the noisiest. 
Eyerybody knows they can sleej) Sunday, so the time of 
going to bed Saturday night, or Sunday morning rather, 
is a secondary consideration. 

The country home of the Change family was on Long 
Island. The house stood in the center of a beautiful seyen- 
acre place, laid off in lawns and driye-ways. Large trees 
surrounded the house, which was well back from the high- 
way. Eyerything was peaceful and quiet. The chirping 
birds built their nests in the trees, shrubbery and wistaria. 
The hum of the little insects in the grass, including the 
'^six weeks to frost" katy-did and katy-didn't, lulled one 
to restful slumber throughout the stilly night. Heretofore 
the Change family, the ladies shopping and going to places 
of amusement and the ''Goyernor" at his desk, spent nearly 
eyery day 'midst the roar and rattle of the big city but 
when twilight was approaching they hastened to their 
quiet Long Island home. 

On account of the necessity of haying their trunks 
ready for the tirst express, so they would surely arriye at 
the city a])artment the same day, the Change family had 
arisen earlier than usual, in fact the anxiety of the moye 
had resulted in a sleepless night, so they decided to retire 
early. All through the day and before one retires at night 



^'THE CALL OF THK WILD" 17 

noises yon do not particularly notice, but when one pre- 
pares for the ni^ht and presses liis liead into a pillow and 
gambles on tlie arrival of Morpheus, the eardrum is found 
an important factor. Unfortunately for the Change family, 
notwithstanding it was December, the weather was mild 
and balmy, consequently many windows in the courts, that 
were usually closed at that time of the year, were wide 
open. Tlie elevator in the building, with a night and day 
service, was close to the Cliange apartment, and as there 
were forty apartments in the twelve-story structure, the 
elevator had little rest during the twenty-four hours, and 
the colored trio who ran it slammed the doors at 2 A. M. 
with the same abandon as they did at 2 P. M. 

Across the court from the sleeping quarters of the 
riiange family was a young lady, wliom evidently some one 
liad told that, by diligent practice in cultivating her voice, 
Melba, Tetrazini and otlier operatic stars would appear 
like novices. As 11 P. M. arrived and tlie last high notes 
of the coming star ascended over tlie top of the apartment 
and adjoining buildings the Change family made prepara- 
tions to retire. The walls of the apartment house w^ere 
so thin you could hear through them. This is not news to 
the average New York dweller. The bedrooms occupied 
by the mother and daughter were on one side of the wall 
between an adjoining apartment, and it seems a piano 
was on the other. As the mother and daughter were about 
to ''drop off" some future Paderewski commenced to get 
in his work; not only was he a Paderewski but a Caruso 
as well. Can you imagine a more deadly composite than 
that where sleep is concerned? Saint Michael's was strik- 
ing the hour of midnight when Paderewski and Caruso 
rang down the curtain. 

Being anxious to know how her lord was making it, 



IS 



RKXTIX(; A FrRNISIIEI) AL'AKTMEXT 



the mother slipped out of l)ed and tip-toed doAvii tlie hall 
and stopped at the door of her husband's bedroom. The 
mother knew if he was asleep she would hear him snoring. 
Not hearing the customary snore she silently opened the 




The Riverside Court. 



door, stuck lier head in and whispered, "Are you asleep?'^ 
'^Heavens, no, come in and listen to this. Hear that walk 
overhead? Well, that pedestrian started just after I re- 
tired and vou see he is still at it. The note he has to meet 



^'TITE C\]Aj of the wild" 19 

tomorroAv must be at least a milliou." The father who 
had decided to take a smoke, had a good laugh as the 
mother told of Paderewski and Caruso. 

As tlie (xovernor enjoyed liis cigar, voices and otheF 
noises resounded tlirough the courts, but as the night wore 
on, tliey in a measure ceased. It was 2 A. ^I. before there 
cauH; a sufficient lull for the Long Island delegation to 
start on anotlier Inint for ^Morpheus. There are about two 
1 1 ours, say from 2 to 4 A. M., that one notices a let-up to 
the noise of the big town. Anyone who cannot exist on 
two hours of sleep out of tlie twenty-four better keep away 
from the Metroj)olis. When we say there is a let-up from 
2 to 4 A. M., we don't mean that everybody is in bed and 
traffic ceases. Far from that. Little difference does it 
make what is the hour of the twenty-four, a crowd is always 
in evidence fully dressed ready for a fight or a frolic; 
wlietlier it is a fire on the West Side, a shooting match on 
the East, a chase after a thief along Broadway, a ride on 
the subway to Brooklyn, on the "L'' to Harlem, a ferry- 
boat to Hoboken or a train under tlie river to Long Island, 
you will not feel lonesome. 

The first flicker of the coming day was entering the 
apartment ere the Diange family lost consciousness. They 
liad been asleep barely two hours when they were awakened 
by the efforts of a German band in the court that opened 
into Riverside Drive. We liave heard of music bringing a 
snake out of his hole, being charmed thereby, and have 
lieard it recommended to soothe the sick in the hospitals 
and stop a stampede from a theatre afire, but the kind of 
music i^roduced by a German band would cause a snake to 
seek the further recesses of his abode, the hearse to roll 
into the hospital grounds, and a theatre to be stampeded 
minus the fire. r»v tlie time the German band and several 



20 



KEXTING A FURNISHED APART:MENT 



bands of boYS, wlio v^^ere meadowlarking for pennies, had 
left the court, the daily rattle of milk bottles, cans and 
the buzzer in the dumb-waiter began and there was no 
more sleep in that apartment. 

When a person has been awake nearly all night his 
head and stomach call for a bracer of some kind. The 




German Band. 



family were in no (•onditi(m to dress and go to the restaur- 
ant, so tliey 1eh'])li()n(Ml for their breakfast to be sent to the 
a])artmcnt. Tlie (hiugliter nearly fainted and the father 
made a few pointed remarks when they replied from the 
restaurant that it was against the rules to furnish meals 
in the apartments. As th(» family were considering what 



^'THE CALL OF THE WILD'^ 21 

to do the bell rang and the ^^sleep-out" girl was standing 
at the door. How glad the Change family were to see her, 
not on account of the chamber work, but tliey thought 
through her thev could figure out how to get something to 
eat. Fortunate it was for the Change family that the 
colored maid was one of those human beings on this earth 
without which what would we do! She was one of those 
who studies how to solve difficulties, not create them. 
When asked to solve a problem doesn't say, "It cannot be 
done," but *'let us see." The maid knew tliere was a kitchen- 
ette in all the apartments. She was aware that finding 
stores open on Sunday was a difficult task, but around the 
corner on Broadway was a restaurant that never closed, 
where there was a darkey waiter who was trying to Aviu 
her heart, and she knew he would shoulder the contents 
of the whole restaurant and pack it to Van Cortlandt Park 
if she said the word. She asked Mrs. Change if they could 
get along on coffee, eggs and rolls. ^^Certainly Ave can, and 
very glad to get it." 

The maid lit the gas in the kitchenette, filled the tea 
kettle half full of water and started out of the door with 
the remark: "Breakfast will be ready in 30 minutes." 
Inside of 15 minutes she returned with some ground coffee, 
milk, eggs, rolls and butter. She had noticed on the little 
shelf in the kitchenette the former occupant had left a 
good supply of sugar, salt and pepper. True to her word, 
before the 30 minutes expired the Change family, in their 
morning gowns, were sipping their coffee and eating their 
eggs and rolls in their own little apartment. Mrs. Change 
lost no time making an arrangement with the "sleep out" 
girl to come at eight every morning to get their breakfast, 
and raised her wages |5.00 per month. She told her she 
need not bother witli the chamber work that morning as 



22 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

they likeh' would all go back to bed, and as ''Sleep-out" left 
for home the old man slipped a dollar bill into her hands, 
telling her to give his best regards to her friend around 
the corner. Mr. Change then and there resolved that the 
restaurant in that building wouldn't see any of his wealth. 

As the effect of the stimulating coffee passed away, the 
Change family were in a complete state of collapse and the 
thought of spending the coming night in that apartment 
so affected the daughter that she couldn't stand the strain 
another minute, so she put on her hat and wraps, sneaked 
out of the apartment, went to the garage where they had 
installed their car, and called up a girl friend, telling her 
she was coming around for her for a wliirl into the country, 
ordered the chauffeur to get busy, and away she went for 
her friend and up Riverside Drive. The chauffeur in(iuired 
where he was to go. She replied, ''Get into Broadway at 
the first turn and go North and press the accelerator.'' 
Soon Yonkers was left behind and then Tarry town and so 
on to Poughkeepsie. In front of the Nelson House they 
stopped. Both girls were graduates of Yassar, so they 
felt at home at the halfway stop to the Capitol. On the 
way up Miss Change told her friend what a horrible night 
they all had, that she must have a good night's rest or she 
would go crazy. Miss Change ordered supper for the chauf- 
feur and told him to return to the city. Not wisliing to 
have any argument, instead of telephoning she telegraphed 
her mother where she was, how she got there, who was 
with her and that she had selected a room for a good night's 
rest and would be down by train some time tomorrow. 

Notwithstanding it was Sunday, the din of various 
pianos and pianolas bounced from one side of the courts 
to the other, and in the enclosed court kitchen untensils 
were dancing the tango without any "hesitation.'' The 



"THE CALL OF THE WILD 



23 



noises kept the Jieacl of the Change honsehold from having 
liis nsual Sunday siesta, whicli lie needed more on tliat day 
than ever before, so lie dressed, telling his headachy better 




An Apartment Muust'. 

half that he was going for a stroll. He went over to his 
club, selected a room on the quiet side of the house, sent a 
messenger boy ''No answer" around to the apartment, 



24 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

informing his wife that he was suddenly called out of 
town; in fact had already left and would not be at home 
until after office liours tomorrow. With her daughter in 
Poughkeepsie for the night and her husband, she knew not 
wliere, the prospect of sleeping alone, or trying to, in that 
apartment for the night so upset the mother's nerves 
that she was afraid she would jump out of the window, so 
she telephoned to an older sister in the Oranges that she 
would be out for the night. She left word with one of the 
elevator boys to tell ^^Sleep-out" that they would not be 
home Monday and for her to call at the usual time Tuesday. 
All of the Change family had a good night's rest and Mon- 
day eve found them back in the apartment braced for Part 
Two in the little skit of renting a furnished apartment. 



GETTING INITIATED 25 



CHAPTER II 

GETTING INITIATED 

The sister in the Oranges was born in New York City, 

havino- lived tliere nearly all her life, but on account of her 

husband's health had moved in to the country. From lier 

sister Mrs. Change learned a whole lot of things. The 

sister told her that "with your nice place on Long Island 

you should spend what we call the ^week-end' there. Go 

out there Saturday and stay until Monday. By so doing 

you get away from the worst two nights in town, and then 

you all will find that the country air will help you along the 

balance of the week.'' When the mother disclosed the 

"week-end'^ scheme to her hubby and daughter they both 

felt like the convict who is in the death house in Sing Sing 

and had just learned that the Court of Appeals had granted 

him a new trial. The daughter fairly jumped with delight. 

"We will get Rex back from the kennel for the two days, 

take 'Sleep-out' along and won't we have a glorious time.'' 

When the Change family realized that Saturday was only 

a few days away before they would again "rock me to sleep 

mother" in their quiet country home, they all felt so elated 

that the roar of the court disturbed their repose no longer, 

in fact they rather enjoyed it, knowing how delightful was 

the coming contrast. The only noise in the courts that 

seemed familiar was the occasional barking of a dog in 

the daytime and the howling of some prowling cat at night, 



26 



RENTING A FrRNISIIED APARTMENT 



noises that the Chanoe fainilv were glad to hear, as it 
reminded them of the happy home out on the Island. 
Everybody was up Tuesday morning when ^'Sleep-out'' 
arrived. 




"Sleep -out.' 



The family had been under such a mental strain since 
Saturday that tliey had f<>rg(»lteii all about the daily papers, 
so the head of the house called up the elevator boy to send 
out and make arrangements to have the daily papers at the 



gp:ttixg initiated 27 

door of the apartment. Mr. Change had made a study of 
the question hoAv to keep peace in the family, consequently 
he took three morning and the like number of evenings 
papers so each member of the family would be relieved of 
any anxiety as regards ^'first aid to the injured." 

As "Sleep-out" walked in, two letters that had been 
shoved under the door were handed to Mr. Change. One 
was from the Consolidated Gas Company enclosing blanks 
requesting Mr. Change to sign his name in several places 
and to return a check for five dollars as a deposit or the 
gas would be turned off. The other letter was from the 
Edison Electric Liglit people requesting Mr. Change to put 
his "John Hancock" on a slip enclosed and remit |15 by 
return mail, as a deposit, or the flo-w of electricity would 
cease to meander through the apartment. As the second 
demand raised the anti |10 a chill ran up and down Mr. 
Change's vertebrae every time he glanced at the little crack 
beneath the door, he expecting the next deposit would be 
$25. The Edison notice gave Mr. Change some consola- 
tion, as they agreed to pay six per cent interest on the 
deposit. As the bank on which the Edison check was drawn 
paid no interest, Mr. Change's only regret was that the 
deposit couldn't have been larger. 

After looking over the morning papers Mr. Change 
left the apartment for his office. Shortly afterwards the 
ladies telephoned for the car. "Sleep-out" finished her 
work and left for home. 

Mrs. Change often called at her hubby's office at clos- 
ing time and they went for dinner at one of the various 
restaurants along Broadway, the daughter generally dining 
with some friends. Mrs. Change's calls at her husband's 
office at closing time had some other object in view than 
dinner. She knew that through the arteries of her loved 



28 RENTIX(; A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

one some sporting blood still flowed and she was a little 
suspicious of the young and decorated stenographers cir- 
culating through the various offices of "Change & Co." 
The Change family, sometimes in twos, and occasionally in 
the triple alliance, attended some theatre in the evening. 
With the exception of the noise of the dumb-waiter buzzer, 
by the milk man, tlie janitor for garbage, the ice-man, the 
grocer, the laundry man, the baker and men entering the 
apartment to study the hieroglyphics of the various meters, 
to kill cockroaches and croton water bugs, and the rounds 
of the superintendent to see if everything was working all 
right, the little tingle of the door bell, as mail and bills 
were shoved under the door, tlie occasional ringing of the 
telephone, the pounding of the steampipes and the roar of 
the courts, the apartment was as quiet as the grave. 

Nothing out of the ordinary of life in the average 
New York apartment occurred during the first week of 
the Change family's occupancy. Tlie mocking bird across 
the court hadn't yet satisfied herself that Melba was down 
and out, Paderewski and Caruso, like the old guard at 
Waterloo, decided they would rather die than surrender, 
and the man higher up couldn't have yet liciuidated the 
note. 

When Saturday morning came, the grips were packed 
for the week end. The caretaker at tlie Long Island home, 
who slept in the garage, was notified to have the water 
turned on, the furnace started and get everything in read- 
iness for the return of the pilgrims. On the arrival of the 
ladies the c;ir(4aker informed them that he had just heard 
that Rex had died the night before witli distemper, brought 
on, no doubt, by tlie confinement and association in the 
kennel. The dog's death nearly broke the family up, as 
Rex's affection for his master was on a par with all dogs, 



CxETTINd TXITTATED 



29 



and his reputation for Avateli fulness had gone far and wide. 
Evildoers were not welcome, as many a seat of trousers 
scattered over the lawn could testify. 

The Saturday the (liange family i'(4urned to their 
home was clear and balmy. They sent the caretaker to 
the various stores to supply the larder. The train ^'Sleep- 




Rex. 



out" was to come on came and left, others followed but no 
^'Sleep-out.'' Everybody was getting hungry, so there was 
nothing to do but for the mother and daughter to put on 
aprons and tackle the grub and range question. The sun 
went down, the moon came up and the stars shone forth 
and still no ''Sleep-out." The morning came and still no 



30 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

tidings of the one anxiously looked for. It was a sorry 
week-end for the Change family. How they did miss 
Rex, and the faithful servants they let go when the fur- 
nished apartment scheme ai)i)eared <m tlie horizon. They 
never appreciated tlieir liome as they did that day, but 
the death of Rex cast a gloom over it all. They all retired 
early for an expected good night's rest, but, strange as it 
may seem, it was with difficulty they could get to sleep. 
They had gotten used to the noises of the apartment and 
the deadly silence of the Long Island home had a contrary 
effect to what they had expected, but Sunday night they all 
slept well again. The ladies were still performing the 
duties of cook and chambermaid as the week-end expired. 
On the arrival of the ladies at the apartment what a 
sight greeted them. Everything had been ransacked. Cost- 
1}' gowns and what jewelr^^ had been left behind were gone. 
The place looked as if there had been a c^^clone tlirough it. 
Empty bottles, cigarettes and cigar stumps, remnants of 
provender, broken crockery littered the floor. One of the 
elevator boys informed Mrs. Change that Saturday night 
"Sleep-ouf had given a little ''jamboree" to some friends. 
The Change family got some satisfaction out of it, for 
^'Sleep-out" and her guests had paid Paderewski and 
Caruso, the man higher up and the rest back in their own 
coin. The ladies were not surprised, as the accustomed 
time for ''Sleep-out'' to return i)assed and slic failed to 
materialize, in fact the Change family never saw nor heard 
of her again, and not knowing lier name or address, she 
couldn't be located. Tlie party of whom Mr. Change 
rented the apartment was in Euroi)e. Under the lease 
Mr. Cliange was responsible for all loss and damage. As 
time wore on the Chang(^ family would discover new ar- 
ticles that had left when "Sleep-out" vanished from the 



GETTING IXITTATEP 



31 



^,.ene The Change fan.ily nuul.. Humi- ih^uv with the pv..- 
, ,ietor of the restaurant and gave up attemptmg to en- 
i ;: anv more sleep outs or ins. They deeded to take at 
Teast th'eir breakfast in the house restaurant and hue a 
;ron!an to oonie in for a few hours daily, wh-le sou,e of 
the fan.ilv were there, and set thinos to rights 

( ,,, a' bright afternoon while at luncheon ,n the restau- 




Our Protectors. 

rant of the Change apartment, five of the battleships ,.f 
the Atlantic fleet, accompanied by several ^^<^^troyers, wei-e 
seen coming up the bay from the anchorage 0^ TompUns- 
ville Some ceremonies were taking place at Grant s Tomb 
and the battleships were firing a salute as they ^rclert ^^ 
It c-.rtainlv was an inspiring sight to see those dogs ..f 
war steaming magnificently along, the crew in action, tir.ng 



32 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

tlie big guns. How helpless would have been this great 
city if those guns had been loaded with solid shot. It 
(hMiioiistrated the necessity of preparedness. If they had 
been ships of an enemy, this rich city would have been at 
their mercy. AVith our thousands of miles of coast line, 
our naval defense should be the equal if not the superior to 
any nation on earth. 

So far as an army is concerned, if any nation needed 
one, it is the United States. We need a large army not 
only to defend us from foreign invasion but to protect us 
from domestic uprising. We have as much to fear from 
within as from without. The July riots of 1863, in this 
city, showed our utter helplessness when the mob arose. 
There are today in this country tenfold worse elements 
than in 18G3. Among other issues to settle is the one be- 
tween capital and labor, also whether ''the man in the 
street" has any rights that the great combinations intend to 
i-ecognize. The foreign element brings to this country from 
the Fatlierland the animosities toward one another, and a 
conflict between them is ahvays in embryo. The attack on 
the Orange parade in the days of Tol. Fiske conflrms that 
contention. The antagonism in this country between the 
different nationalties of foreign birth, caused by the pres- 
ent Avar of nations, any day may call for the strong arm 
of an adequate army of regulars. 

The r(\staurant was on the top floor and so constructed 
that in tlic good old summer time it could be converted 
into a roof garden. The a])artment house towered above 
the surrounding buildings. It was on a high elcA'ation and 
as tlie gi'ound sloi)ed from the building in all directions the 
view IVoiii the restaurant was grand and extensive. To the 
West was the Hudson, the Palisades and the Jersey Hills, 
to tlic North was (Irant's Tomb, Washington Heights, 



GETTINC; INITIATKI) 



33 



Columbia university, K-H-Ubuul r..un,v and tlu, Tappeu 
Zee to the East one could look far out on to Long Island 
nnd the Sound, to the South the do.n-to.n skysorape s^ 
L harbor of Xew York .ith its -ver ceas.ng nuvr^tnne 
traffic, the Narrows with its forts, and Coney Island and 




Across the Hudson to Jersey. 

SandT Hook were before you. The viands were well cooked 
^ndtrLrvice par excellence, but oh! what an expen e 
Tl^ Inquired tip to the waiter would alone have bough 
M Chan-e a sufficient meal, but an American must be a 
spend Hr disgrace the flag. What a nation of spend- 



34 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

thrifts we are, both Governmental and individual. The 
Government at Washington makes appropriations as if 
the United States Avas a gold mine from the Atlantic to 
the Pacific. Cities all over the land, through taxation, are 
running close to confiscation. The Civil War created the 
millionaire, and the example he sets as regards display the 
"poor millionaire" tries to ape, with the result that in case 
the ape cannot produce money enough from his daily 
occupation to meet all this extravagance he complains 
about his business and looks to legislative halls for relief. 
There are few business men that are not making money 
enough, if economically expended, to provide themselves 
and their families with the necessaries of life, but because 
he hasn't force of character to resist temptation and can- 
not follow in the footsteps of the men who have grown 
rich through Government favor and protection, and by 
looting corporations over which they had temporary con- 
trol, he howls over the condition of things generally and 
his own sad lot in particular. 

The greatest peril of our country today is the influx 
to the great cities of the youth of the land, converting into 
consumers who should be producers. A few 3^ears ago the 
writer was passing over a highway leading from Sebec 
Lake, Elaine, to Brownville. About every other farm was 
abandoned. All the buildings seemed to be in good condi- 
tion and the high grass and weeds growing in the fields 
proved that the soil was productive. Inquiring of the 
chauffeur, who seemed to be an intelligent fellow, in fact a 
university graduate, Avhat caused the abandonment of the 
farms, he said: ''There are two reasons. First, the State 
neglects to pass the reasonable laws requested by the pro- 
ducers, and secondly, the preference of the young people 
for life in town to that in the country. These farms you 



GETIHXCJ INITIATED 35 

see here were once under a high state of cultivation. 
Occasionally one of the young people would break the 
bounds of wliat (hey lernied an nnreinunerative solitary 
life of drudgery and go to Milo. Milo is a manufacturing 
town about twelve miles away. Sundays and holidays those 
young people, who had remained on the farms, would see 
tlieir former associates passing along the highways in 
automobiles, and who had spent their last cent to deck out 
in clothes of the latest fashion. The Milo delegation 
would stop and tell the country lassies of the gay times 
they had tangoing down in Milo and going to the movies 
with tlieir sweethearts. Consequently life was a seeming 
burden to those who had remained on tlie farms, and they, 
too, finally quit milking cows, abandoned the farms and 
entered the spool and Avoollen mills at Milo. The young 
people gone, the old people were unable to carry on the 
farms and they, too, went to Milo, and instead of being 
producers, so far as ^our daily bread' is concerned, they all 
became consumers." The story of tlie highAvay from Sebec 
Lake to Brownville has its counterpart along the high- 
ways of many States of this t7nion. 

Politicians may continue to pass laws, and wise gentle- 
men in swallow tail coats and extensive sliirt fronts, ex- 
press their vieAvs concerning the solution of tlie problem of 
the high cost of living, but the millenium will not dawn 
while producers of the "staff of life" are being converted 
into consumers, and the author knows of no more important 
legislation than to help, aid and assist those who are will- 
ing to cultivate the acquaintance of the broad acres of 
Uncle Sam's domain instead of the narrow streets of his 
towns. Mr. Change was once a producer of live stock on 
the plains, and if the United States Government had pro- 
tected the stock raiser instead of leaving him at the mercy 



36 KEXTIX(; A FrUXISIIKl) APARTMENT 

of tlie railroads and the p-eat beef eoiiibination, tlioiisands 
of stock men wonld liave remained in tlie industry. 

On account of the situation of the Change apartment 
the sun never shone directly therein, only by reflection. 
When the sun was at a certain angle it would strike the 
o])posite side of the nortlierly court and carom into the 




The Long Island Home. 



Cliange apartment. Tlie family would often sit around 
the reflection nnd reflect. What a welcome guest was 
little ^liss Reflection. She never came on cloudy days. 
On sunny days how anxiously the Change family looked 
for her arrival. She would flrst appear in the parlor, 
slowly and quietly move into the dining room and then 



GETTING INITIATED 37 

along the floor of oue of the bedrooms, creep up its AViill 
and disappear until some other sunny day. 

Mr. Change fell asleep late one Sunday afternoon Avhih^ 
sitting alongside of the reflection. The reflection was the 
last tiling he saw, consequently a dream he had was along 
reflected lines. He dreamt of tlie home on Long Island 
find tlie liouse through whicli the rays of the sun never 
ceased from its rising to its setting. He could see himself 
in a negligee shirt, a somewhat worn, loosely-fitting suit of 
clothes and a broad and easy pair of shoes, walking with 
the departed dog as a companion over the velvety lawns 
of the Change estate. The sweet fragrance of the flower 
beds was in the air. In the trees the chattering birds were 
feeding their young. Delicious fruit hung from many 
vines. Mr. Change's stomach having passed the meat 
period of life, how anxiously he watched the vegetable 
garden. He could see the chauffeur standing in the door 
of the garage ready to take him for a spin over the shady, 
smooth highways of Long Island, with its extensive views 
of the Sound and ocean. The saddle horses of liis wife 
and daughter racing over the pasture were whinnying 
their recognition. AVell-trained servants were in the house. 
He dreamt of the golf grounds only a stone's throw away, 
where with pleasant companions lie sought exercise and 
health in the open. The exhausted cells in Mr. Change's 
gray matter having been temporarily supplied, he awoke. 
The reflection was gone, carrying with it the realization of 
only a dream. Twilight was casting its shadows through 
the courts. Mr. Change arose, sought his boudoir and pre- 
pared himself for the nerve-racking life we are taught to 
believe is civilization. 



38 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 



CHAPTER III. 

THE HOLIDAYS 

The timo of tlio year was approaching ^^when the days 
commence to lengthen, the cold commences to strengthen." 
At that time of the year the head of the house has some- 
thing else to fear than the strengthening cold. Christmas, 
for instance. If one really wants to appreciate the beau- 
ties of this life he wants to he at the head of a household. 
He is the one they all look to when the purse needs re- 
plenishing. It makes little difference whether he has it 
or not, he must produce. They are not aware that with 
the average business man of to-day it is not a question of 
making more money, but to keep from losing what he 
already has. Those who haven't had the experience infer 
that as the head of the house is in business, opens and shuts 
a roll-top desk, he must necessarily be coining money, there- 
fore when demands are made on him for the necessary coin, 
it is mere selfishness on his part not to ''come across." 
About all the perplexing problems of the family affairs are 
discussed Avitli him for a solution, and he must solve them 
to the satisfaction of everybody. All of the rest of the 
household can get excited, persistent and lose their tempers, 
but the head of the house is expected to keep cool, yielding 
and ])l('asant. If one hasn't those (pialificatious or neglects 
to accpiii'c tlicm, he should not cmbjirk in tlie head of the 
houscliold ])nsiii('ss. 




Mr. Change, Head of the Household. 



''^^ 



40 KEXTIXG A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

As Christmas time approached, cold chills, caused not 
altogether from tlie weather, ran up and down tlu^ verte- 
brae of tlie head of tlie household, yet if he is one of those 
fortunate individuals who lias, what lias helped many a 
poor soul over the rough places of this existence, a sense of 
humor, he gets some satisfaction out of it. IJefore (Mirist- 
mas time, after leaving the elevator, the bo^'s left you to 
open the front door of the apartment house as you made 
your exit to the street, but as Christmas time approached, 
no more opening the front door by tenants. The i)ace at 
which the boys would cover the distance between the eleva- 
tor and the front door, you would think they were trying 
to stretch a three-base hit into a home run. The superin- 
tendent seemed (piite anxious, as he made his rounds, to 
see if everything was moving along to your liking. Even 
the fellow who hollered '^garbage'' up the dumb-waiter had 
annexed the word ''please." The laundry man offered to 
deliver the Avash at the apartment door if it was more 
convenient to you than via the dumb-waiter. The ice-man 
would sing to you, ''How would you like to be the ice-man?" 
as the cake travelled towards the refrigerator. The men 
who called to ^'take" the various meters, who heretofore 
met you with a cold stare when you asked for a little in- 
formation to ascertain how much you were being over- 
charged, were delighted to explain the mechanism of the 
dials. Even the letter carrier, Avhom Uncle Sam should 
])ay a sutticient salary so he, too, would not be in the beg- 
gar line, struck Mr. Change to buy tickets for "our annual 
ball." ^Ir. Change's sense of humor vanished with the 
letter carrier. 

Among other a]>])cals to which Mr. Change gladly con- 
tributed was from the Salvation Army. When that organ- 
ization made its first appearance in the American religious 



THE HOLIDAYS 



41 



arena, wliat ridicule and criticisms it had to endure. 
Hooted at and pelted Avitli missies by the youths of the 
street. Laughed at by adults, orstracised by other religious 
organizations. Through it all the Salvation Army con- 
tinued to work out their idea of what was meant by the 
word diristianitv. As time wore on, those who had looked 




Scene in Bronx Park. 



at the Salvation Army as an object of ridicule began to 
realize tliat they followed the teachings of the Saviour 
nearer than any other religious organization. While the 
churches of the rich were sending missionaries to China, 
raising funds to erect more imposing edifices and making 
contributions to institutions to educate young men for the 
ministry, the Salvation Army Avas devoting its strength 



42 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

and funds to feed, clothe and house the poor unfortunates 
of cities in which they had a branch. If some poor, cokl, 
liungry soul in New York City sought food and shelter 
would he seek the religious organizations along Fifth Ave- 
nue or would lie ratlier turn to tlie less pretentious head- 
quarters of the Volunteers of America, who, he knew, n^ 
matter what his religion, age, condition, sex or color, woul ' 
welcome him? In the great city of London it is the Sal- 
vation Army whose members seek out the fallen wome i 
and try to lead them back to a purer life. The Salvation 
Army embodies the word Christianity as no other religion ; 
organization does on the face of the globe. 

It was the day after Christmas that a little fair-haired 
girl stood at a window overlooking the court, weeping as if 
lier heart would break. To lier mother, who was standing 
beside her, the little one, Avith her chubby fingers was 
pointing down to the court. Passing along on the top of 
a pile of rubbish was the Christmas tree of the day before. 
Can one imagine the feelings of that child as she saw one 
of the dearest treasures of her life so humiliated? How 
like many of this world was that Christmas tree! Like 
the newborn, with what ecstacies it was first welcomed, 
croAvned with laurels, yet finally to lose its embellishments 
and become a derelict on the sea of life. 

The Clmnge family spent part of the holidays at their 
Long Island home. They took along the woman wlio came 
in daily, and as she was a good cook and as there was not 
any snow, the family enjoyed the delightful trips in their 
automoblie over the smooth, macadamized driveways of 
Nassau and Suffork Counties. The turn of the year brought 
tlie dreaded cold Avavi^s. 

As the water liad been turned on at the Long Island 
liome, tlie caretaker Avas told to keep a good fire in the 



THE HOLIDAYS 



43 



furuace and not let it go out, as tlie pipes might freeze. 
The father took the morning express for the city, the 
mother and daughter and ^'Call Daily" by auto for the 
apartment. Up to that time tlie bone over which the average 




One of Central Park's Vvanding Highways. 

New York tenant and Janitor usually quarrel— the heat 
question— had not been in evidence, as the weatlier had 
been more like spring than winter. 

The familv had attended tlie theatre the evening of 



44 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

their arrival from their Long Island home and had taken 
an after-theatre dinner. It was after midnight when they 
returned to the apartment. It was as cokl as a barn. The 
radiators were turned on and the Change family were con- 
gratulating themselves that shortly they would be toasting 
tlieir feet. After waiting half an hour for the still cold 
radiators to respond, they called up the superintendent's 
office and inquired what was the matter with the heat. 
They all nearly had a fit when the superintendent informed 
tliem that ^'the heat is always turned off at 11 P. M. and is 
not turned on again until 5 A. M." ^'We are nearly frozen, 
what are we going to do?" ^^Liglit the gas logs." The 
gas logs were lit and Mr. Change saw himself paying the 
gas company for heat that should be furnished by the 
apartment house. How they did miss the open grates of 
tlieir Long Island home. The gas logs proved a poor 
substitute for the radiator, where heat Avas concerned, but 
if it had been a (luestion of flavor the radiators were a poor 
second. The odor from the escaping gas so permeated the 
apartment that there was nothing else to do but turn it 
off and go to bed, or be asphyxiated and frozen at the same 
time. The Change family were so mad and cold that little 
sleep they had, and how anxiously they watched the slowly 
moving clock as it made its rounds to 5 A. M., and how 
delighted they were as they heard the radiators, like the 
early birds on tlieir Long Island estate, singing the song 
of the awakening. 

Physicians tell us that many gamblers die from a 
disease knoAvn as ^^suppressed emotion.'' What a relief it 
is that there is a disease Avitliout the termination "itis.'' 
Certainly the patient afflicted with ^^suppressed emotion" 
has something to be thankful for. A professional gambler, 
if playing against a novice, can tell from the expression 



TIIK HOLIDAYS 



45 



on ihv l;iyinaii\s face as lie lifts liis cards, tlie nature of tlie 
liand. Not so with the stoic gambler. One cannot tell 
from liis ]>]iysiognomy whether it is a pair of deuces or 
four aces. (Tiring vent to your feelings is absolutely 
necessary for a liealthy mind and body. Nothing better 
tlian laugliing and crying. Swearing sometimes helps. If 




Unloading the Night Shift. 



it Avere not for New Year's Eve the Great White Way would 
be a graveyard. It is on that night that the lid is raised 
from the long pent-up, suppressed emotion of New York, 
yet there are those who would deny the New Yorker in his 
own sweet way of seeing the passing of the old and the 
entrance of the new. Those people whose aim in life seems 
to be to regulate their fellow-man, cause nine-tenths of the 



40 RENTIXd A FURNISHED AI'AK IWl KN T 

trouble of the lioiiseliokl. New Yorkers and tlieir country 
cousins were making resevations for the annual suppressed 
(Miiojinn ldow-(Mit when one of these regnhi ting individuals 
called forth the following reply from the Mayor : 

"My Dear Sir : 

Your letter of December 1st lias been received. It is 
certainly not my intention to take any action witli reference 
to all night licenses on New Year's Eve, which would en- 
courage excessive drinking and revelry. We must recog- 
nize, however, the fact that it is the custom of this town, 
of many years' standing, for an unusually large number 
of people to go to restaurants on New Year's Eve. In 
recognition of this it seems to me wise to grant, as the law 
(Mn])owers me, to restaurants of good rej^utation, a special 
license which will enable more people than usual to take 
a late supper on this one night of the year. 

Most of those who go to restaurants go merely to 
celebrate with their friends the coming of the new year, 
without the disorder to which you object. Permission to 
restaurants to remain open will not be granted except 
upon the basis of their good reputation as established by 
experience. It does not seem to me to be necessary, nor 
do respectable citizens desire that people should remain 
in restaurants past the time that will enable them to meet 
their friends and celebrate the coming of the new year in 
an orderly way. 

I shall, therefore, refuse to give to any restaurant a 
license to stay oi)en all night. I intend, however, to extend 
to restaurants of good reputation for this night only, the 
])riviledge of remaining open until 3 o'clock, which is one 
hour beyond the closing time for restaurants which regu- 
larly have these licenses. I have instructed the Police 
Commissioner to see to it that decency and order are CA^ery- 
where maintained. Restaurants that permit drunkenness 
or disorder will be refused similar provisions in the future. 

Sincerely vours," 



THE HOLIDAYS 47 

Mr. Change, who had been suppressing emotion dur- 
ing all the bus}^ days of the year made reservation for his 
family and a few guests at one of the resorts along New 
York's great thoroughfare— Broadway. 

It is a naval supersition that if the new boat sticks 
on tlie ways, while being launched, it is a bad omen, there- 
fore from time immemorial a bottle of wine is smashed over 
it, evidently to stimulate action, and the smashee is gen- 
erally a pretty girl who also has the effect of stimulating 
action. New Yorkers always worked on the theory that it 
is a bad omen for the New Y^ear to stick on the ways, so 
wine and women, similar to the new boat, have invariably 
been invoked. Exception has been taken to the manner 
the present-day New Y^orker has of issuing in the New 
Year, not to the wine and women prescription, but to the 
frequent dose of the former and the display of the latter. 

The objectors evidently are not aware of the example 
set by their fathers of welcoming the New Y^ear. They 
did not assemble after all ^'good people'' had retired, and 
between four walls suppress their emotions and ring down 
the curtain at 3 A. M. On the contrary, it was a continuous 
I>erformance, as long as they were able to navigate, to 
make as many calls on the fair sex as possible. From 
midday to twilight, from house to house they went, "build- 
ing rail fences" along the public thoroughfare. Yet they 
tell us we should follow in the footsteps of our fathers. 
A difficult task it would have beeen on New Y^ear's Day. 
New Year's Eve saw the Great White Way in its 
glory. One hour before its arrival, limousines were un- 
loading the thoroughbreds of the big town in front of its 
various resorts. Y^oung and old bloods in evening dress, 
and the fair sex in the dress of Eve were gathering around 
the festive board. The menu was being scanned and the 



48 



REXTIX(; A FURNISHED APARTMENT 



Avine list consnltcMl, as ragtime pcrcolatod tlir()iii»ii the 
atmosphere of the baiKjuet liall. J.oiii; lines of waiters 
were coming throngh the swinging doors from the culinary 
department, bearing trays loaded down with the latest 
creations of the clief and corkscrews galore. While pleas- 
ure was at its height and the second hand was nearing the 




Greeting- the New Year. 



midnight hour, tlie lights were dimmed, registering tlie 
approaching death of tlie old year. Tlie eclii)se was of 
short duration. As the light flashed again announcing the 
arrival of the New Year, the beauty and chivalry of the 
great metr()i)olis Avere on their feet to welcoriie it. 

For an hour ])revious to the launching of the New 
Year evei-y precaution had been taken that it would not 



THE HOLIDAYS 49 

stick on the ways. The crew itself, feariug that the}', too, 
iiiiiiht stick on the ways, had smaslied the neck of many 
a bottle. The cliristening of the New Year was not left to 
the individual. As the i»ood ship 1910 started down the 
ways to its sea of trouble, both within its many caravan- 
saries and along its public highways, the lid of sux)pressed 
emotion was lifted from the greatest city of the world. 

During one of the campaigns of Mr. Bryan for the 
Presidency, Lee Fairchild opened an address : "Four years 
have rolled around and so have ]Mr. Bryan and the 
Democratic Party.'' 

At Presidential elections is another time the New 
Yorker lifts tln^ lid of supi:)ressed emotion. It was, is, 
and likely ahvays will be, a betting proposition whether 
the State outside of New York City shall wag the city or 
vice versa. Before the Consolidation Act, the Harlem 
River was the dividing line. There the Democratic major- 
ity of the city met tlie Republican majority from up the 
State. "Down to the bridge" — meaning the Harlem River 
— was where the forces met to compare notes. After con- 
solidation, the mighty Bronx — the Northern line of the 
great city — is where the accountants meet and strike a 
trial balance. It re(iuired a lot of patience to be a candi- 
date in the early days. B}^ couriers afoot and on horse 
back, by stage coach and byAvater, the election returns were 
carried to the four corners of the Union, and it was in 
some cases weeks after the polls closed ere the American 
people knew who was to be the next occupant of the AYhite 
House. But today, before the midnight hour of Election 
Day, the great crowds Avho gather and make night hideous 
in front of the offices of the metropolitan dailies knoAv who 
is to be their ruler. 



50 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 



CHAPTER IV. 

STORMS WITHOUT AND WITHIN 

On one of the coldest nights in winter the Cliange 
family were awakened about 1 A. M. by a continuous 
ringing of the telephone. Mr. Change in his bare feet and 
half asleep, put the receiver to his ear. '^I am the superin- 
tendent, the thermometer is slowly falling and to avoid a 
freeze up of the pipes, I Avish you would let the cold water 
run in the kitchen sink, just a small stream." Mr. Change 
rej^lied that it was a very good idea and asked about the 
bath tub. ''There is no use doing anything there unless 
it gets colder. Good night Mr. Change." Mr. Change, half 
frozen, crawled under tlie covers after ansAvering divers 
and sundry questions fired at him in rapid succession by 
the female contingent. Mr. Change lay aAvake about an 
hour rubbing one foot against tlie other, but finally fell 
asleep. About 3 A. M. the family were awakened again by 
another vigorous call of the telei)lione. 31 r. Change took 
the i)recauti()n of putting on liis slii)pers and again lifted 
the receiA'er. ^'Js tliis .Mr. Cliange?" ''It is." "I am the 
superintendent. The bulb in the tliermometer is still fall- 
ing and 1 wish 3()u Avould let tlie cold Avater also run in 
the lavatory and bath tub and it Avould be Avell to pull the 
W. C. rod occasionally. Hoav are your family making it?" 
«They are all aAvake, thank you." '^I am sorry to disturb 
you, but it is better than the incon\(Mii(Mice it Avould put 



STORMS WITHOI^T AND WTTIITN 



51 



yon to if the pipes burst/' "You certainly are a careful 
man and if I ever build an apartment house and need a 
superintendent you can consider yourself engaged. Call 
me up again if 3'ou want anything further, I like to have 
people wake me up, especially in the middle of the night. 
Don't yon tliink if you turned on tlie heat it might help 
some? I was ^oing to sav good niglit but I guess T will 




Riverside Drive, Soldiers' Monument. 

say good morning." ^Ir. Cliange liad controlh^l liis tem- 
per thus far, l)ut if tliere had been another ring the other 
side of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" would have been heard 
from. Fortunately for all concerned, daylight dawned 
Avitli no more telei)lione calls and water floAving through 
the rhange faucets. 

About eioht o'clock there was a knock at the door 



51: REXTrx(; a Fi^RXisnED apartafent 

aud ill walked the siiperiiitendeiit. He had one of those: 
round, pleasant faces with a smile constantly flickering 
across it, back of whicli 3011 knew was a pleasant disposi-i 
tion. He could take hasty, unpleasant remarks on thei 
part of imi)atient tenants as if he enjoyed them. He waS| 
one of that brand of ji,ood fellows to whom you feel it a' 
pleasure to loan a hundred or two, eyen if 3-011 knew at 
the time you might neyer see it again. ''I am yery sorr,y, 
Mr. Change, to inconyenience 3'ou, especialh^ the ladies,^ 
but the people in the apartment directly oyerhead neglected! 
to do what 3 on willingl3' did, therefore the pipes are frozen] 
and I will haye to shut tlie Ayater off, 3-et I hope in the! 
course of an hour to giye 3'ou hot water at least." All] 
da3' long and far into tlie night aboye tlie other noises wasj 
heard the pounding of tlie Knights of the Monke3' Wrench' 
and the Hioldering Iron. Tlie break was worse than expect-; 
ed, yet at midnight the hot water Ayas on again, at 1 A. ^L; 
the cold, and the tenants of the Change axxirtment house: 
were once more on the Ayater Ayagon. ; 

On the cA'cning of the thirteenth of JanuarA', a l)liz-l 
zard from the West struck the cit3'. It snoAyed and bloAyed: 
all night and Ayas still at it the next morning. Not being] 
able to see the street from the Change ainirtment the in-j 
tensit3^ of the storm and the doAynfall of snoAy could not! 
be correctly gauged, yet the condition of th(\ courts gaA'ei 
(me a yery good idea. The daughter haying some tickets! 
for a matinee telephoned doAvn to the operator of the] 
SAyitchboard, asking the eonditioii of things outside. ''It i 
is perfectly aAyful. The streets are impassable, the street 
cars are not running, the eleyatcMl and subAyays are blockevl 
and CA^ery thing is at a standstill." The daughter tele- 
jihoned oyer to the garage to the chauffeur aud he set up 
anotlier aAyful hoAyl. After Mr. Change had his coffee andj 

i 



STORMS WITHOUT AND WITHIN 



53 



rolls, had road tlie niorniiig paper, lie made ready to go to 
his oftic(\ 

Tlie average New Yorker's idea of a l)lizzard ahvavs 
did amuse Mr. Change. Mr. Change in his younger days 
ran a stock ranch on the plains long I)efore the days of 
railroads and had been up against l)lizzards that the one 
tliat was in esse at that particular time was but a passing 




Times Square, Change & Co. 

raress. As Mr. Change left the elevator, the young lady 
at the switchboard implored him not to venture out in such 
a storm. He informed her as Avas his custom, he Avould 
very likely walk from the apartnuMit to his office, which 
was at Times 8(iuare, and lie did. Hv(M-ything in this life 
is gauged by comparison. Compare .Mr. Change in a fur- 
lined overcoat, cap and gloves to match, and arctics, walk- 



"4 BEXTING A FUBXL<HEr» APAETMEXT 

ing along a wiovr sidewalk of the big citr with an occa- 
sional gnat of 8now circnlating aronnd his habeas corpns 
and being able to see ahead of him for bbxks, the high 
buildings breaking the force of the wind, with restaurants 
and cafes on every block, and h>eing canght out on the 
isolat^t^ prairies of the West in a howling storm and nnable 
to Kt^^ one hundred feet ahead of hinu driving a pair of 
horses hitched to a wagonload of hogs and a fifteen-mile 
trip before him. or on the jil^J^s in the saddle trying to 
head a herd of cattle stampeded by a blizzard. That had 
been the experience of the man that the timid girl at the 
switchboard was trying to scare to death with a gentle 
zephyr. 

New Yorkers wlio knew tlie town l»ack iu the sixties 
laugh at conditions of those days. Business men were sat- 
isfied to board a horse-car at City Hall with a little bell 
on one of the beasts and jingle an hour away while they 
were on tlie daily route to Yorkville. Harlem and repeat. 
"The pace tliat kills" was in embryo at that time. The Wall 
Street banker seemed content to climb into a Fiftli Ave- 
nue stage drawn by horses and at a dog trot, stopping at 
every block, to spend an hour crawling down the Avenue 
and Hroadway to his office. Tliere were other conditions of 
those early days tliat amuse tlie pjresent day New Y'orker 
and tliey smile as they ask each other "How did they stand 
it?'' 

The next generation will no doubt laugh at the way 
tlie big town cleanr^l house after a big fall of tlie beautiful. 
They will have their doubts, as history informs them, that 
the great city of five million j)eople defjended on a lot of 
broken down sjiecimens of Iminanity, called the unem- 
ployed, to turn the trick, and if this worthless crowd, many 
of whom were bums and tramps, refused to shovel snow, 



STORMS WITHOUT AND WITHIN 55 

the citT would remain blocked. History will recount that 
the srreat citv was dependent on men to clean its streets 
who were half clothed, hungry and weak, resulting from an 
over-supply of booze and an under-supply of bread, and 
before this outfit could come to the city's rescue they had 
to be clothed and fed in order to nourish them back to life, 
so to sj>eak. If the weather was not to tlieir liking tliey 
would quit and the traffic would come to a slowdown, 
until this conglomeration of all nationalities would help 
again to lift the city of its burden. 

Every Saturday was a welcome day to the (^hange 
family, as it brought the "week-end" around and tempor- 
ary relief from the closely confined and noisy apartment. 
The snowstorm j^revented them making the tri]i by atito, 
but they decided if they found the roads out on the Island 
in good condition they would use the car left in the garage 
at the Long Island home. 

There was quite a hill on the Long Island estate and 
an artificial pond, and as the wliole family Avas fond of 
outdoor sports, they looked forward with delight to the 
exhilarating exercise of skating and sliding down hill. As 
the Change family, the chauffeur and "In Daily" were 
whisked down to the place from the station tlie man who 
ran the taxi containing Mr. Change told him that his 
caretaker was in the Mineola jail for running over a man 
while on a nightly joy ride. As the family entered the 
house there was a skating rink in half of the rooms, the 
cellar was covered with water, the boiler in tlie kitchen had 
btirst and also the pipes in one of the batli rooms, in fact 
all over the hotise. It seems that the jailing of the caretaker 
had taken away the fireman of the Change establishment 
and everything had frozen and the water was still oozing 
through the bursted pipes. The chauffeur took off his 



56 



RENTING A FUKNISUEI) APARTMENT 



shoes and stockings and waded tlirougli the water in the 
cellar and turned olf tlie stop eock. Mr. Cliange telephoned 
to Mineola and was informed tliat liis caretaker was in 
jail for thirty days and the machine in the Mineola garage. 
Mr. Change called up his plumber and decorator to come 
down at once and look the house over. There was nothing 




Skating Scene in Central Park. 



h'ft for the Change family but to return to tlu^ city apart- 
ment. How they did dread the coming night. Visions of 
Paderewski and Caruso, the man liigher up and the superin- 
tendent lower down, and the noises in the courts, they 
could already hear. Tltey decided they couldn't stand the 
strain, so after a late dinner in the restaurant tlie ladies 
started for the Oranges and Mr. Cliange for his club. 



STORMS WITHOUT AND WITHIN 



57 



As already stated, Mrs. Cliaiii>e's sister liad spent near- 
ly all lier life in the city and she fonnd the most satisfac- 
tory mode of livin<; was in an apartment hotel. Ontside 
rooms ]>redominated and they were looked after by em- 
ployees of the liotel. Yonr meals a la carte yon conld take 
in the hotel or not as yon chose. Spacious parlors and 




The Birds and Leaves Are Gone. 



<hincin«i' halls were at yonr service, wlier(^ the guests could 
iX('t acquainted. The clash and smell of the culinary de- 
partment was confined to the basement. As the sister 
described tlie difference 1)etween an apartment hotel and 
an apartment Ikhisc, :Mrs. (Mianoe realized what an un- 
fortunate mistake they had made in renting a furnished 



58 RENTTNC; A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

apartment. "In Daily" generally arrived about ten. Eleven 
o'clock came and no "In Daily." The forenoon and after- 
noon wore away, still no "In Daily." The sun crossed the 
Hudson, sank into Jersey, arose next morning, reached 
the meridian and still "In Daily" failed to put in an ap- 
pearance. 

After luncheon the ladies started out to find what was 
the matter. "Sleep-out'" had taught them a lesson, so they 
had the name and address of "In Daily." As the car stop- 
ped in front of a flat house a policeman was standing on 
the steps and stopping everyone who attempted to enter 
the building. The ladies were informed that the house Avas 
quarantined on account of scarlet fever. As they were 
about to leave, a window on the tliird floor opened and "In 
Daily's" head appeared. "Mrs. Change, they won't let us 
out of here and they say it may be two weeks yet. There 
is a very nice girl, Maggie Murphy, at 68 Columbus Avenue, 
that you can hire to come in daily." "Thank you, Ave Avill 
go and interview Maggie." The car soon coA^ered the dis- 
tance to Maggie's home. The building must haA^e furnished 
the inspiration of that popular song "Maggie Murpliy's 
Home." Its presentation was so uninviting that the ladies 
turned the iuA^estigation over to the chauffeur. The chauf- 
feur shortly returned and Maggie Avas Avith him. After a 
short intervieAA% terms were agreed upon, Maggie engaged, 
giA'en car fare, and was to report the next morning at ten. 
The next day aa as Thursday and Maggie arriA^ed on time. 
She was informed about the "aa eek-end" scheme and gladly 
consented to be cook and chambermaid during the week- 
end. Maggie seemed so "Avilling and obliging"^has any 
niistress of a household ever heard those tAvo Avords before — 
tliat the Change family thought it Avould be a good idea to 
quit restaurants, sleep-outs and in dailies, and engage 



STORMS AVITIIUUT AM) WITHIN 



59 



^raggie to take np lier abode in tlie apartment, to Avliicli 
^laggie readily consented, bnt before Maggie retired from 
tlie scene of action the Change family had experienced an- 
other phase of the servant question. 

The author deems it unnecessaiy to inform the reader 
of ^laggie ]\[urpliy's nationality, and when that fact is 




Where Miss Murphy Had a Free Ride. 

established, the reader can nudce a pretty good guess as 
regards her disposition. We have often lieard tlie expres- 
sion : ^' Would rather fight than eat." Maggie would have 
freed Ireland long ago if she could have had an army ot 
Amazons like lierself. Tlie Cliange family had lived 
through so many unpleasant ordeals in connection with 
the servant (luestion that they doubted there could be any- 
thing new for them to experience in that line, therefore, 



60 RENTING A FTRNISHKI) APARTMENT 

they paid little attention to Ma,ii\i»ie as she would storm 
through the apartment, slamming doors and expressing her 
views on things generally, and a few in particular, and ask 
questions that she was allowed to answer to her satisfac- 
tion. The question finally arose whether the Change family 
or Maggie should occupy the apartment. ^Ir. Change offered 
to draw cuts with her. The family found themselves up 
against the word that it requires more diplomacy to lead 
to its pronunciation than any other in the universal lan- 
guage of the world, the word ''discharged." ]\lrs. Change 
wanted to discharge Maggie, but how and when to do it Avas 
the problem to solve. The superintendent was called in 
for consultation. It seemed the superintendent had been 
called in in such cases many times before, in fact if he saw 
any trouble l)reAving he requested to be called in, so there 
wouldn't be a "scene'' to disturb the other tenants. He had 
made a study how to proceed. The nearest closet to ^lag- 
gie's room was cleaned of its contents. Mr. Change was 
to pronounce the verdict when Maggie was near the closet 
and if Maggie made any breaks the superintendent would 
shove her into the closet and lock her in and summon the 
patrol wagon. It seems the caj^tain of the police precinct 
was a brother of the superintendent. As the word "dis- 
charged'' rung through the apartment, ^Maggie made the 
looked-for jump, diving at the throat of ]\fr. Change, but 
before she knew Avhat had happened she found herself 
locked in the closet. The patrol wagon arrived. Maggie 
was allowed to gather up her belongings and was paid what 
was coming to her, in fact she got what was coming to her 
before she was paid. ^Nlr. Change^ and the superintend- 
ent were also ])assengers on the ])atrol wagon. Maggie was 
charged with assault but was allowed to go, Mr. Change 
declining to press the charge. 



SWEET Wrril THE BITTER 61 



CHArTEPi V 



SWEET WITH THE BITTER 



Thetje is an expression tliat "one-lialf of the world 
doesn't know liow tbe otlier lialf lives." If 3^011 want to see 
tlie other lialf rent an apartment in New York opening on 
a pair of eonrts and yon will see both lialves. There is 
anotlier ex]3ressioii that "li takes all kinds of people to 
make np tlie world." Tliat is anotlier bill the city apart- 
ment fills. 

If an author is scratching his head free of dandruff in 
a pnzzle to inspire another production, if a gentleman of 
the cloth is on a still hunt for a text for the next sermon, 
if a dramatist who is occupying a hall bedroom and is con- 
juring his brain for a successful play to land him in the 
bridal chandler, if the short story writer must produce 
something acc(^ptable or be dispossessed, if the curious 
want to take a peep behind the scenes, rent a rear apart- 
ment in little old New York. The only view the Change 
family had from their apartment was the sk}^, the courts 
and the rear of the apartments opening thereon, conse- 
({uently kitchens, dining rooms and bedrooms were the 
landscape. 

As the Change family occupied the seventh floor apart- 
ment, the eye took in various apartments. The apartment 
across the Eiverside Drive court just opposite that of the 
Change family was occupied by a minister. The Change 



f»2 



RENTING A FrRNISHED APARTMENT 



family could look iuto tlie dining room. Tlie family evi- 
dently consisted of four — father, mother, daughter and son. 
Everything and every movement was quiet and methodical. 
The Bible was their inspiration, prayer their comfort. 




Behind the Scenes. 



The dining table did not groan under the Aveiglit of viands. 
They retired early. 

In tlie apartment beneatli tlie minister were several 
decks of cards, a roulette table, tobacco smoke, corks, and 



SWEET WITH THE BITTER 63 

two men in shirt sleeves with a coupk^ of women whose 
attire reminded one of the days of the ti.u leaf. They, also, 
like the ministerial family, retired early. P^very night 
has two earlys. The men in the shirt sleeves and the fig- 
leaf ladies chose the second, bnt not nntil many a lobster 
and bottle of Burgnndy had been laid low. 

Standing near one of the windows of the parlor of 
tlie Ohange apartment at that hour of night '^vlien church- 
yards yawn," if the standee would elevate his optic a trifle, 
the vision would come in contact with the neatest litt e 
bedroom and sweetest little occupant that the most exact- 
ing baldhead could desire. She was an actress fair. The 
shades were never drawn. She divested her raiment so 
seemingly unconscious and artistically that one of her 
successful parts must have been Zerlina in Fra Diavolo. 
None of the males occupying the rear apartments went to 
bed until the shapely little creature returned and retired, 
and if perchance she loitered by the way, her waiting 
admirers were late at their offices on the morrow. 

The apartment directly across the other court from 
the Change apartment was occupied by a family of five, 
a fatlier, motlier and three daughters. A guess would 
range the daughters in age from a miss of 5 to that of 21. 
Tliree bedrooms opened in to the court. Those three daugh- 
ters covered this life from that of the little doll to that of 
tli(^ young lady who anxiously looks for the daily postman. 
An interesting sight it was to see in one of the bedrooms 
the youngest playing with her dolls, in another the school 
girl struggling with her books, and in the other bedroom 
the eldest scrupulously preparing for the coming beaux. 

^'Everybody loves a lover." A pretty little miss diagon- 
ally across the Riverside court from the Change apartment 
had two. One she certainly adored. The other, from ''a 



u 



RENTTN(i A FT RXISITED APARTMENT 



man up a tree," or more properly speakiiii», from the 
Change apartment, it was problematical. Unlike the ac- 
tress, when the interesting time arrived, tlie shade was 
drawn. The courting was done in the dining room on a 




The Opposite Court. 



settee, one end of which was close to the window. The 
lovcM'S were not aware of the fact that the}^ were between 
an electric liglit and tlie shade, so every movement within 
cast a sliadow on tlie sliad(\ Avliich was elearlv visil)le from 



SWEET Wrril THE lilTTER 65 

williont. Tlie aiitlior will ](siv(' to llic iiiiaji,iuatiou of tlie 
ivadcr wliat appeared on tlie sliade during the seauce. The 
problematical youug; man would bring her floAvers and 
candy, would read to her while sitting on the further end 
of the settee and often the shades Avould remain up during 
the call. He was the handsomer of the two, and from his 
dress one would judge the wealthier, and he seemed to be 
the mother's choice, but he lacked the ''push," and from 
all appearances Avas losing ground. No truer saving than 
"a faint heart never avou a fair lady.-' The problematical 
gentleman's heart was faint, not so with the other lover. 
The Change family occupied the apartment long enough 
to see a wedding in that of the lovers. The groom they 
recognized as the ardent one whose moving i3icture they 
often saw on the screen. 

The saddest occurrence during the tenancy of the 
Change family was the taking away to Kings Park, Long 
Island, of a teacher in one of the New^ York public schools. 
The occupants of a small apartment on the court opposite 
the one opening in to Riverside were two teachers, one 
striving to become an assistant principal. One of the 
teachers was the sole support of a mother and the other 
was educating a younger sister. Nearly every night, long 
after midnight the two could be seen with their books and 
writing material. They did their own household work. 
When they were not at school they were in the apartment 
constantly emi^loyed in manual or educational work. Little 
sleep did they obtain and under the pressure the mind of 
the one struggling to become an assistant principal gave 
wa}'. Screams one night from the girls' apartment awak- 
ened everyone on the court. One of the teachers was try- 
ing to keep the other from throwing herself from the 
window. The occui^ants of an adjoining apartment helped 



m 



RENTING A PT^RNISHED APARTMENT 



to restrain her until the arrival of an ambulance from a 
nearby hosintal. 

There must be something wrong with our educational 
system. Instructors as well as students are constantly 




J. p. Morgan cSi: Co., Mills Buildinj 



breaking down in their educational Avork. Students in 
order to carry along their many studies are compelled to 
neglect their physical being, consecjuently if they are 
fortunate enough to last tlie four years and receiye their 



SWEET WITH THE BITTER 67 

diplomas, tli(\v ai'c iitlcrlv until lo hike ii]> tluMr clioseu 
pursuit. If ou tlic sea of matrimony tliey embark, the 
coast line will be strewn witli mental and physical wrecks. 

In Mr. Change's seventy years of life, covering con- 
siderable territory, it remained for an incident while in the 
furnislied apartment to be tlie most horrible of his ex- 
perience. A young man wliile attacked with delirium 
ti-emens cast himself from a window on tlie top floor of 
tlie apartment to the court below. The screams of women 
and the smashing of glass at 1 A. M. awoke all the tenants 
of the Riverside court. Mr. Change caught sight of an 
object wliirling througii tlie air on its downward course. 
The evening papers of the coming da}^ gave the circum- 
stances. The 3 oung man was a scion of a distinguished 
New York family who, witli his gray-haired mother and 
sister, occupied one of the apartments across tlie court. 
Unfortunately for the young man he had been left an 
ample income from a trust fund by a wealthy father, who, 
during his life, was one of Xew York's leading bankers. 
The son was an exami)le of the idle young men in this 
city living on an income, Avho spend their days in an auto- 
mobile witli questionable companions of both sexes, and 
their nights in the resorts of the Tenderloin. It seems the 
mother tried to sto]) lu^r son in his wild i^lunge, but was 
knocked down, fracturing tier skull and died the following 
day. 

Sometimes it seems that a war would be a blessing to 
this country, as it has been in a measure to England. 
It is a satisfaction to see those strutting monocled dukes 
and lords in the trenches where they are of some good to 
their country. Conscription is another blessing. In 
France it is a delight to see alongside of his English cousin 
in the trenches, manv a c(mnt — such as the court held 



68 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

when iu tliis city Count Johannes took action for recog- 
nition of a hazy title — *'A count of no account.'' 

Mrs. Cliange was a New Eni»hin(l woman and one can 
imagine the uproar when a bug, that, upon examination, 
proved to be a bedbug, was seen slowly zigzagging its way 
along the baseboard of one of the bedrooms. Mrs. Change 
rushed to the telephone and called the superintendent, 
informing him what she had seen. One of the passengers 
on the first elevator going up was the superintendent. He 
at first tried to make Mrs. Change believe what she saw 
was a Croton water bug, but he soon discovered that he 
couldn't fool the offspring of a New England housewife. 
The superintendent told Mrs. Change that just prior to 
their moving in, a European friend of the former occupant 
bad spent a fcAv days in the apartment and he was some- 
what suspicious of a trunk belonging to the man from 
abroad. The superintendent was a former purser for a 
steamship company and was aware that the baggage store 
rooms of Atlantic liners were infested with vermin. 

The apartment house in which the Change family 
were domiciled pretended to be one of the classiest in the 
big town, and it would never do for the other tenants to 
learn that even one bedbug was in their midst. The super- 
intendent implored Mrs. Change to say nothing, promising 
to call up the owner of the apartment at once and would 
have the ^'exterminator" right on the job. In the course 
of an hour the owner with the exterminator arrived. 

The owner informed Mrs. Change that they would 
have to seek other quarters for a couple of days while the 
apartment was being fumigated. Mrs. Change replied it 
was impossible for her to get out that day and that she 
would have to call up Mr. Change and she couldn't locate 
her daughter. The owner was persistent that the funii- 



SWEET WITH THE BITTER 



69 




70 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

gating begin at once. Of course, Mrs. Change wanted it 
done, so she telephoned her husband the situation, tokl 
the superintendent to be on the lookout for her daughter 
and to tell her to meet her at the skating ring of the Bilt- 
more at 7 P. M. Packing up a few of her own and daugli- 
ter's belongings, Mrs. Change telephoned for their car and 
started out in to the cold world. 

The process of fumigation consisted of sealing up all 
windows of the apartment and the entering door aii<l 
igniting some medical compound, the fumes killing all 
vermin. On tlie evening of the second day the superin- 
tendent telephoned to ^Ir. Change that the job was done, 
the apartment aired and was again at their disposal. Mr. 
Change and family moved back, but there was always a 
suspicion that specks they saw and itches they felt were 
some of the progeny of other days. 

The foundation of the apartment house in whicli th(» 
Change family lived, on account of tlie distance doAVu 
to rock, was constructed under a new process and had 
settled unevenly, causing cracked walls and doors not on 
the level, not an unheard of condition with buildings on 
Manhattan Island. Shortly after the advent of the Change 
family, mechanics were setting aside a day to rectify these 
different defects in the various apartments, requiring the 
occupants thereof during the process to ^'take a walk 
around the block." For a montli, from 8 A. ^l. to 4.30 P. M.. 
resounding tlirougliout the apartment house was tlie con- 
tinual pound of the varied members of the Knights of 
Labor. Mr. Change was the owner of an apartment on 
Lexington Avenue. The lumber in some of the New York 
apartments is a tree Monday morning, boards by the 
middle of the week, and finished ju-oduct by Saturday 
night, consequently when it conies in contact with steam 



SWEET WITH THE BITTER 



71 



heat one is reminded of the contortionist on the stage. 
They tell a story along Lexington Avenue that the janitor 
of Mr. Change's apartment while repairing a lock was 
surrounded and held tight by a warping door. During the 
warping season it is dangerous to Avalk through the halls 
of the average New York apartment house. 




Criminal Building, Tombs and Bridge of Sighs, 



Being caught in a warping door reminded Mr. Change 
of his experience Avhile running his stock farm on the 
Missouri River. Hundreds of acres of corn the ranch pro- 
duced. The worst weed the corn raiser had to contend with 
was the morning glory. One has often heard the expression, 
"you could see it grow." That expression certainly applied 
to the morning glory. One of Mr. Change's neighbors 



72 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

seemed willing to take liis oath tliat by actual measure- 
ment a morning glory in one of his corn fields gre^y seven 
feet in twenty-four liours. 

The episode that the warping door reminded ^Ir. 
Change of was in connection witli the prolific morning 
glory. On a hot afternoon in July, as tlie sun went down 
on the landscape of Mr. Change's Western possessions, the 
boys heard a call for help from one of the corn fields. 
Following the voice they found one of the teams helping 
themselves to corn fodder and one of tlie hired hands 
bound so tightly by morning glories that lie couldn't move. 
According to the helper's story he had fallen asleep and 
the fast-growing morning glory had closed in on him like 
the devil fish of the deep. 

No city on the globe has a better sub-strata for foun- 
dation purposes than the Borough of ^lanliattan of the 
City of New York. It is principally a rock foundation. 
A steel drill is as necessary to a Manliattan builder as 
ammunition to an army. On account of the distance down 
to solid rock many of the buildings in New York are built 
on exi^erimental foundations. The Mills Building, corner 
Broad and Wall Streets, one of the oldest office buildings 
in the cit}^, is built on piles. Whether it would stand was 
so problematical that for some time after its construction 
pedestrians would stand and gaze at it, expecting to see 
it topple over. The Criminal Building, in Centre Street, 
has another experimental foundation and it certainly 
proATd to be an experiment by tlie uneven settling of the 
structure. The emplo3ees of the building are thnnitened 
with curvature of the spine, as they sit and stand on an 
irregular angle. Everything is on the slant. Police of- 
ficers as they bring prisoners from the Tombs over the 
^'Bridiie of Siffhs" into the Criminal I*uildiug, have to 



SWEET WITH Till': lUTTElJ 



73 




City Hall, IMunieipal Building. 



74 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

substitute spiked shoes in order to hold their prison- 
ers. 

One of the hirgest buihlings in the city — tlie Munici- 
pal Building — is built on sand. On account of the great 
depth to solid rock, a caisson cement scheme was adopted. 
"A sand foundation" is sometimes mentioned as a jok(\ 
Wise ones saAv the Municipal Building gradually disap- 
pear into tlie bowels of Manluittan. Fortunate it is that 
it is not an ^^offlce building/' as it miglit be tenantless, 
but as every occupant is a city employee on a fat pay roll, 
they don't seem to hesitate taking the daily risk. 



« 



LIFE IS O.NE THIXG AFTEK AXOTHEK 75 



CHArTER VI 

LIFE IS O.NE THINC AFTER ANOTHER 

As the first inontli of tlic year wore invay the wind 
from the Soutli began to predominate, and as tlie "January 
tlunv" set in tlie windows of tlie various apartments were 
a-aiu left open. Kear tlie entrance to the Riverside court 
^As a lariie vacant lot. It had the usual sul)stratum of 
Alanhattan-solid-rock. The ear-drums of the Change 
familv had become acclimated to the various noises of the 
bi.v town in iieneral and the apartment house in particular, 
when the notes of a new sheet of music entitled, "The 
Bock Drillers Refrain," wafted through the atmosphere 
of the court. It seems the foundation for a new apartment 
^^•as being excavated on the vacant lot. Uufor'tunately for 
the neighborhood, in order to complete this part of the job, 
"The Rock Drillers Refrain," through some political pull, 
ran a night and day shift, cousciuently the hissing steam 
and pounding of the drills was a continuous performance 
during the twenty-four hours. There is one thing peculiar 
about^the human organization. It can adapt itself to any 
situation. A continuous noise over which we have no 
control ceases to annoy. While the Change family were 
partaking of a somewhat late breakfast they were lifted 
from theh- chairs by a terrific explosion and a piece of 
rock entering the dining room, carrying with it a section 
of window glass. They had hardly recovered from the 



76 



RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 



shock when another explosion rocked them in another 
direction, ^fr. Chan^c^e called up the superintendent for 
an explanation. ^'They are excavating the foundation of 
a new aj^artment house around on Riverside and they will 
be blowinji' out rocks for a couple of weeks yet." For the 
next fortnight the Change family were like one sitting on 
a magazine, expecting any moment someone would touch 




A Ilcmindur of the Dentist Chair, 



it off. The two weeks passed and also the bursting dyna- 
mite and flying rocks. 

No sooner had "The Rock Drillers Refrain" lost its 
charm than a new sheet of music percolated tlirough the 
air. Of all llie noises Mr. Cliangc had heard since he 
moved into tlie apartment, tlie new one was Avelcomed. 



LIFE IS ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER 



77 



Wliile li8teuin<j: to it, Mr. Clum«i(' would sliut liis eyes an<l 
imagine liimself at his camp in the Maine woods listening 
to what is knoAvn in that country as the "stake driver," 
but in the Empire Htate as the woodpecker. The elevator 
bo3^s soon learned to sing and whistle ''The Steel Riveters 
Skeleton." 

The noises in the courts and those in the immediate 




'The IMaii in the Overalls. 



neighborhood were not the only ones that disturbed the 
equilibrium of the Change household. Fog often hung 
along the Hudson opposite the Change apartment. The 
fog alphabet would not be so disturbing if spoken in one 
tone, but every note from the low basso to the high soprano 
was boring holes through the fog, and as is often witli 



78 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

men discussing politics, each one insisted on being heard 
at the same time ; nor did the size of the boat regulate the 
sound. A little tug would roar out its blasts with such 
deep guttural that it seemed to say, clear the track or the 
bottom for yours. 

A steamer on which Mr. Change was coming from 
Europe in his younger days was rammed in a fog off the 
Newfoundland Coast, and if he had not been a good swim- 
mer he would not have been disturbed by fog-horns on the 
Hudson in the year 1916. The fog-horns did disturb Mr. 
Change, as it reminded him of that awful night off Halifax 
as he was awakened by the prow of a vessel entering his 
stateroom and bending his ribs as it pressed him against 
the partition. As Mr. Change gained the deck and seeing 
a steamer less than a quarter of a mile away and knowing 
his capabilities in the art of swimming, how safely he felt 
as to the outcome. 

In the public schools of this great city, how unfor- 
tunate and wliat neglect it shows, that large swimming 
tanks supplied by the ever changing salt water pumped 
from tlie bowels of the earth are not installed. Maritime 
cit}^ as we are, seldom it is during the year that each and 
every one of us doesn't trust our lives to Neptune. Some 
study might be dropped for that of swimming. The knowl- 
edge of a dead language is of little avail when one is 
tlirown in to the water. One who does not know liow to 
swim seems not satisfied in drowning himself, but insists 
taking with him anyone witliin reach. Aside from the 
mere fact of learning to swim, there is no more liealthful 
exercise, and from the standpoint of cleanliness from ob- 
servation of the scholars of our great public schools, there 
could be improvement in that direction. 

The Hudson River Railroad, or more strictly speak- 



LIFE IS ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER 79 

ing, "The New York Central Lines,'' supplied Mr. Change 
with another noise and also a nosejray. Of all the bunco 
games played on the City of New York, the continued 
occupation by that railroad of the New York City line 
from Spuyten Duyvil down to Thirtieth Street deserves 
the blue ribbon. The smoke of the locomotives and the 
grind of the cars as they cross the switches permeated to 
the Change apartment. People know they are being choked 
with coal dust, kept awake nights by escaping steam, and 
that many are being run over and killed, yet there seems 
to be no remedy. Wlien the time comes for a showdown 
the occupancy of tliat waterfront will show all the phases 
of corruption ever heard of since the days that Romulus 
and Remus donned their bathing suits and splashed water 
on each other as the Tiber traveled to the sea. 

The opposite court to the one that opened to Riverside 
Drive would be called an inside court, that is, there was 
no exit from it except through a small roofed passageway. 
It was the court on whicli the various kitchens were 
located, not only of the Change apartment house but, also 
an adjoining one. Through the passageway passed the 
garbage cans of tlie Cliange apartment house. The dumb- 
waiter was on the opposite side of the court from the 
passageway. The garbage would come down the dumb- 
waiter and be taken across the court to the passageway, 
a distance of about two hundred feet. A small car having 
an iron platform with iron wheels conveyed the garbage 
and ash cans across the concrete floor of the court, bring- 
ing tlie empty cans back. The assistant janitor was the 
crew of the garbage express. There were no banjo signals, 
slowdowns nor blocks set against it on the run from the 
vestibule of the dumb-waiter across the court to the 
passagewa3\ Some of tlie bedrooms of the different 



80 RENTING A FURNISHED APART:srENT 

apartments opened on to this court. A box of veronals 
went with each rent receipt for bedrooms so situated. 
Another feature of tliis particular court was that nearly 
all the window sills were depositories of something in 
connection with the culinary department. The inventory 
Avould include jugs of mineral water, bottles of milk, 
pitchers with cloth tied over them, bowls with saucers 
thereon, fruit, both in jars and in the raw, canned goods 
and hanging from the windows were feather dusters and 
mops, and during certain hours in the morning the bed- 
ding of tlie night before. 

To return to the garbage express. The schedule was 
so arranged that tlie tired business man was often awak- 
ened by the roar of the garbage express across the court. 
Complaints were made to the superintendent and a sugges- 
tion made if the time table of the garbage express couldn't 
be so arranged that the first train would start later in the 
day, be run on slower time, and if the platform couldn't 
be covered and the wheels of some softer material than 
iron, and if tlie cans, especially the empty ones, couldn't 
be handled more gingerly. Tlie appeals of the tenants 
fell on deaf ears with the usual result. The crew of the 
garbage express met the fate that an outraged public 
deals out to those Avho fail to realize the fact that the 
rulers in this country are the peo^Dle. One morning, bright 
and early, there is some doubt as regards tlie brigiit, but 
none whatever as regards the early, the garbage express 
started on its accustomed run over the concrete court at 
its usual speed. The express had made a couple of rounds 
when a terrific crash and a groan brought the tenants to 
tlie windows. A jug of mineral water that had been cool- 
ing itself on the window sill of the fourth floor had been 
hurled at the garbage express and had hit the crew amid- 



LIFK IS ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER 



81 



ships. A bottle of milk followed next. The bottle of milk 
seemed to give everybody the cue. Two students of Colum- 
bia University, members of a family on the eighth floor, 




The Garbag-e Express. 



had been awaiting the opportunity to place some empty- 
beer bottles where they would do the most good. As one 
of the students was the star pitcher of the University 
baseball club, with every bottle he cut the home plate of 



82 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

the crew of the garbage express. The women of the various 
apartments also joined in the fray. 

After the fusilade closed, tlie other employees ran 
in to the court to their comrades' assistance. What a 
sight met their eyes. The crew lay prostrate, surrounded 
with broken glass and crockery, mineral water, milk, ink, 
Hayes Hair Healtli, Syrup of Figs, Nux Vomica, glycer- 
ine, alcohol, "Lydia Pinkham," castor oil, Radway's Ready 
Relief, tin cans, shoe polish, all kinds of vegetables, in fact 
everything contained in a well regulated apartment, ex- 
cept the furnishings. An ambulance had been summoned 
and the "crew'' passed out through the passageway to tlie 
hospital. The first train out the next morning of the gar- 
bage express was scheduled later in the day, the running 
time reduced, the car platform and roadbed liad been 
covered with linoleum, rubber wheels instead of iron, and 
the new "crew" informed of the experience of liis x)rede- 
cessor. 

In the good old days of Peter Stuyvesant, the word 
worry was not in the lexicon of the municipality or the 
denizens of New Amsterdam, but today the city govern- 
ment has many worries, foremost being the money ques- 
tion. There is also another worry that affects the munici- 
pality and the inliabitant thereof, and that is wliat to do 
with its garbage. There is a wide difference between tlie 
tw^o, as in the latter they don't know liow to get rid of it, 
while in the former the trouble is to get hold of it. In the 
days of the open fireplace and the coal range, the garbage 
question was solved by cremation, but when the gas range 
put in an appearance, the city autliorities in a measure, 
but more particularly the Knight of the Kitchen's greatest 
worry came with it. Not being able to burn a cast-off 



LIFE IS ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER 83 

match, a scrap of paper or a banana peel caused worlds of 
trouble all along the line. 

The city financiers conduct their business along 
similar lines to those of a certain country merchant who, 
when his note came due at the bank, instead of paying it 
off would cancel it by giving a new note, adding in the 
interest due on the old one, and when the bank got tired 
of the proceedings he would take his overdraft over to 
some other bank. The city, in its endeavors to solve the 
financial question, attacks the wrong end. Instead of 
conserving the funds they do receive from taxation they 
are constantly on the hunt from what source they can 
raise more funds to distribute among the faithful. 

To the Borough of Brooklyn we are indebted for the 

solution of the garbage question. No more worry on the 

part of the city fathers concerning disposal plants. No 

more sneaking out of th^ harbor and dumping the city 

refuse inside the limit line to the discomfort of the bather 

along Long Island's sandy shores. There is hardly a city 

in the world that hasn't low ground adjoining it, which 

can advantageously be filled. In the Borough of Queens 

its water front is indented by many marsh meadows, whose 

only production is salt hay, malaria and mosquitoes. One 

of the largest swamps— hundreds of acres— adjoins the 

town of Flushing. Under a contract with the city of 

Brooklyn, a dumping company, for a nominal expense to 

the city, agreed to take care of all the garbage of the 

Borough. The dumping company bought up this Flushing 

swamp lands and dumped there the offal of the city of 

churches, making valuable land of what once was a swamp, 

and on account of decaying vegetables contained in the 

dumpage this new made land produced the most prolific 



84 



RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 



vegetation. The lands redeemed will become a great manu- 
facturing center. 

The Jersey marslies offer the Borougli of iManhattan 
the same opportunity as the Queen's marshes did the 
Borough of Brooklyn and there will be marshes of New 
Jersey to fill in long after the undertaker is performing 




On the Way to the Dump. 

Ilie last sad riles over the cook wlio is manipuhiting th(^ 
gas i-ange in the New York ai)artment house at this })ar- 
ticular time. 

The Change family had si)ent two weeks in the apart- 
ment wlien one niglit tliey were all awakened by an awful 
stench permeating tlie ai>artment. They were great be- 
lievers in plenty of fresh air, so the windows, (»sp<M'ially 



LIFE IS OXi: TIIINd AFTER ANOTHER 



s; 



of the bedrooms, were open at tlie top and bottom. They 
conhl not believe tlie odor came from the outside and they 
knew it was not illuminating gas. They had heard of 
sewer gas, and all thought that some pipe had become 
disconnected in the building. They called up the super- 
intendent and he told tliem that wliat they snxelt Avas from 
New Jersey. It seems that along the Jersey side of the 




The Dump. 

riudson there are many factories which throw out ob- 
noxious gases, and when the Avind is off shore the con- 
taminated air distributes itself along the New York side 
of the river. During the occupancy of the apartment the 
Change family experienced, with the rest of the popula- 
tion of the West side, a Jersey production worse than the 
proverbial mosquito. 

A sorry day it was for the tenants of the Change 



86 RENTING A FINISHED APARTMENT 

apartment house when the genial superintendent and the 
accommodating janitor lianded in tlieir resignations. Under 
their guidance everything moved ahmg satisfactorily. The 
owner of the house couldn't believe that the tenants of an 
apartment could be contented and he, getting his pound 
of fleshj so he inaugurated a spy system and made it so 
unpleasant for tlie two employees that they resigned and 
he installed in their i^laces a pair, that from their voices 
and actions, must have been former employees of the street 
car service of Manhattan. Mr. Change often remarked 
that the way the New York public is handled by the trans- 
portation employes of the big town, reminded him of tlie 
time when he was a shipper of live stock from tlie plains 
to the Union Stock Yards, Chicago. As Mr. Change said, 
^'all the street car employes lacked was the prod of the 
stock man." For the enlightenment of some reader a 
stock man's ^'prod'' is a steel pointed round stick about 
six feet long, its use being to shove into an animal to make 
him ^'step lively." As time wore on, complaints came 
rolling in to the agent of the building. Tenants began 
moving out. Freight elevators- were being clogged witli 
household goods, moving vans were blocking the street. 
Courts were construing the exact meaning of the fine print 
in leases. Dogs that had gotten loose from former ten- 
ants were loping back to the old home and barking at 
apartment doors. Tradespeople were anxiously inquiring 
whither their former customer's had flown. The landlord 
in despair was on a still hunt for his former superin- 
tendent and janitor. Mr. Change, who was somewhat of 
the Phineas Fogg sort of an individual, held the fort and 
was rejoiced one morning to learn that the old superin- 
tendent and janitor were again on the job, w ith the assur- 
ance from the owner that they were again pilot and chief 



LIFE IS ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER 



87 



engineer of the Change apartment to remain as long as 
they lived. 




Learning Each Other's Language. 

The promenade of a black cat across the opposite 
court from Riverside was a windoAv sill. The next window 



88 KEXTIXd A FrRXISIIED APARTMENT 

sill to the promenade was tAvo feet away. The cat thought 
it great sport to jump from one window sill to the otlier. 
In one of her jumps she landed against a bottle of Great 
Bear spring water, sending the bottle end over end to 
tlie court below and on top of a pet dog, ending the dog's 
career so far as this world is concerned. Mr. Change saw 
tiie performance, was subpoenaed and to his annoyance 
spent several dRjii the following week visiting a West Side 
court for a case to be called wherein a cat. Bear water, a 
one-eared Pekingese dog, contributory negligence res 
(/(•stdc and canine valuation, were under consideration. 
It seems a lady who owned the dog preferred to air it in 
the court rather than the street, as on the street the dog 
had lost an ear in an argument with anotlier of his species. 
Two Hebrew lawyers, an Irish judge, two determined 
women, three witnesses (tAvo maids and Mr. Change), com- 
posed the cast. 

Mr. Change while making his dail}^ call at the court 
and being informed that the case would not be reached 
that day resolved that never again would he gaze out of 
the window of that rear apartment, but when the curtain 
was rung up and the play started, according to Mr. Change, 
it beat any comic opera running on Broadway, and he 
wouldn't have missed it for all the gold shipped to this 
country during the European war. 

The nasal organs of the two Hebrews were so lengthy 
til at no matter wliere they stood, when they faced each 
otlier, their noses interlocked. The Irish judge, who was 
born in the Emerald Isle, still retained some of the brogue 
he brought with him. The two demure maids were cast 
for the hardest part. Both were in tears before they left 
the stand. The cross (piestioning of the two maids by the 
two legal luminaries, and ''you must auswer yes or no," 



LIFE IS ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER 89 

fired at them by the stern son of Erin, so provoked ^Mr. 
Change tliat before he left the stand he had drawn his 
check for fifty dollars for contempt of court. 

On account of the fire in the belligerent's eyes the 
learned judge tliought it discretionary to take the papers 
and hand down his decision when tlie clouds rolled by. 
Tlie Irish judge wittily remarked that he would render 
his decision when it rained ''cats and dogs.'' 



90 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 



CHAPTER VII 

THE GIRL FROM RIVERSIDE DRIVE 



PmoR to ]Miss Clianiie enterinc: Vassar Colle^o, she | 

spent one sumnu^r at the University of Maine, and while | 

in the fnrnislied ai^artment she, at tlie suiigestion of a i 

dramatist, wrote lier experience while at the University. ] 

The skit lierein ])rodnced was dramatized and had a run ' 

at one of tlie ''try it on the dog" towns not a thousand ; 

miles from lU-oadway. '; 

As the curtain is rung up, the scene opens disclosing ; 
the valley of the Hudson above the Highlands. 

Attending one of the preparatory schools tliat line ^ 

those historic sliores was a young lady from Riverside '. 

Drive, New York City. When the time came for the clos- i 

ing of the school for the year, the director informed her I 

that if she could be tutored in Latin during the summer ^ 
she would be able to get a diploma a year hence. 

On Maine's largest lake her fatlier owned a camp — j 

there the family spent the summer days in the woods and I 

on the water. From the camp a few hours journey away, ■ 

was the U. of M., or, less abbreviated, the University of ; 

Maine. Like the preparatory school on the Hudson, it too, ' 

overlooked a beautiful river, which also has its source in : 

j 

the wooded wilch'riu'ss of the North. As one looked over ; 

the valley of tlie Penobscot from the cami)us of the U. of M. I 

instead of those palatial steamers, the *'Hendrik Hudson" ; 



THE fJIRT. FROM 'RIVERSIDE DRIVE 



91 



and "Charles W. Morse/- one suav long rafts of logs wind- 
ing their way "down river.'' 

The third day after the annual arrival of tlie family — 
father, mother, son and daughter — at the camp, the Latin 




The Preparatory School on the Hudson. 

question came up for consideration. The son, who w^as a 
student at Columbia, suggested that his sister attend the 
summer school of the U. of M. 
while the father and son were reeling in 



A few days thereafter, 
strikes" from 



92 RENTING A FT^RNISHED APARTMENT 

one of the best fishing lakes in Maine, the mother and 
daughter were at the public square in Bangor, taking the 
Old Town electric car for Orono. While preparing for 
the trip the ladies saw nothing out of place for tliem to 
wear the same attire appropriate while strolling over the 
beautiful driveway that winds along the west bank of the 
Island of Manhattan. 

A ride of an hour through a hilly country brouglit the 
ladies to the U. of M., the car line passing alongside} the 
campus. Upon pressing a button a comely maid appeared 
and asked tlie New York delegation to be seated. The 
preceptress Avas informed that two fashionably dressed 
ladies were in the reception room desirous of seeing her. 
Tlie make up of the mother and daughter so surprised tlie 
preceptress that it was evident the dear lady had not 
wandered far from her Orono fireside. 

^'Wliat can I do for you, ladies?'' 

The motlier replied that they called in reference to 
attending the summer school. Addressing her reply to 
the motlier, the ])receptress asked: 

"What subjects do you wish to take?" The daughter 
burst into laughter as the mother replied: 

"It is not I who wish to attend the school, but my 
daughter." 

What a transformation can be made by thi^ dress- 
maker and the drug store. The fatlier fell out of a canoe 
wlien informed that his sixty-year-old partner had been 
taken for a school girl. 

"But madam, is not your daughter too young* to re- 
main here alone?'' 

"I think not. She is nineteen." 

The University of Maine is a co-educational institu- 
tion. The summer school was composed mostly of school 



THE (ilRI, FRO^r UIVERSiriE RRIVE 



93 



teachers, both male aud female— principally the latter. 
The Younii men of the University began to make sheepish 
eves'at the siirl from Riverside. Her gowns and striking 
beautv became the talk of the students of the University, 
and the vonng bloods of Orouo flocked to the University 
oronuds io admire-and sigh. The country school "marms 




The "U. of M." 

besan to be iealous of their city cousin. They saw the 
^,;nng men all attention to her while they were slighted. 
'\s time wore on voung men as far down the line as l?angor 
made daily pilgrimages to Orono. The country maidens 
were benefitted from the overflow and began to make in- 
quiries from their city cousin how they, too, could make 
themselves more attractive. 

On account of this influx of tlie male gender, studies 



94 RENTING A FT RNISHED APARTMENT 

were neglected. "Lights out" lingered into the moonlight, 
an occasional Romeo was seen prowling about the grounds, 
and such demoralization had set in that the faculty saw 
a halt would have to be called. 

Tliey summoned before tliem the girl from Riverside 
Drive. Slie was informed of the fact that she was in 
Orono and not on Broadway — that she Avould liave to lay 
aside tlie dress and embellishment appropriate along the 
Hudson for tliose on the Penobscot, or the U. of M. would 
know her no more. Latin to her and a diploma from the 
seminary in the Highlands were more important than the 
admiration of the country jakes of the Pine Tree State. 
Unbeknown to her fellow students, down to Bangor she 
went for the transformation. Rats, mice, switches and 
barettes were put in cold storage. Soap and water waslied 
away rouge and powder. Those lovely arms and shoulders 
passed from the sight of man. Her corset was loosened. 
French high-lieeled shoes gave way to commonsense. The 
fetching gowns tliat were the admiration of the opx)osite 
sex, and the envy of her own, were sadly laid aside. Again, 
she boarded in Bangor's public square, the Old Town car — 
how different than when she had stepped into the same 
car three weeks before. No admiring glances were cast 
at her by the stronger sex. No longer were the noses of 
the weaker sex turned up in scorn. Across the campus to 
her room — unrecognized — she flew. The butterfly had 
been missed during tlie day and no one knew wliere she had 
flown. Tlie supper bell rang. To all outside tlie faculty, 
tliere was a stranger in her chair. So(m the transforma- 
tion was recognized. The magnet tliat had drawn the 
presence and admiration of the male students Imd lost its 
charm — appointments were neglected — invitations were 
cancelled and, i^a^aduallv, tlie V. of ]M. assumed similar 



THE GIRL FRO:\f RIVERSIDE DRIVE 



95 



conditions to those before tlie advent of the girl from 
Riverside. Tlie girls resolved that the pleasant experiences 
of the past fortniglit mnst be revived. A committee waited 
on the girl from Riverside and implored her to lead the 
way. They promised her if she would, and the faculty 




The Old Town Car, Bangor. 



tlireatened to expel her, they would all go, something they 
knew tlie U. of M. in its financial condition could not 
stand. 

The following Saturday, bright and early, the female 
contingent of the U. of M. boarded a sjiecial car over the 
Maine Central for Bangor. The beauty parlors of the city 
at the head of navigation of the Penobscot, were crowded 



96 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

to the doors. Dressmakers were put on a night and day ^ 
turn — extended skirts were giving way to the hobble and 
slit. The shoe deah'rs Avere telephoning to Boston for the 
latest French importations. Tlie dry goods merchants ' 
were sending rusli orders for lace and lingerie galore, j 
Well-developed waists that had never felt the pressure of I 
the arm of a love-sick swain, were being measured for stays ] 
of steel. Tapering arms and beautifully moulded sliouhlers 
tliat had never seen tlie sun were, in the near future, to be 
exposed, powdered — and no doubt admired. Pantaleted, 
innocent New England school ''marms," who wouhl rather 
dabble their skirts tlmn raise tliem an inch, were being 
taught the art of so elevating their crinolines as to show 
bewitcliing liosiery. Hair tluit luid been parted in the 
middle and plastered ch)se to tlie scalp, was being doubled I 
and twisted in all directions. Even the language of the ; 
old New England hills was passing with the rest. \ 

vSaturdav evenini» the pilgrims returned. Sundav 
passed as formerly. ^Monday morning a procession of ex- \ 
press wagons, parcel post carriers, messenger boys, store ! 
clerks, dress fitters, numicures, modistes, dancing masters ! 
and employees generally Avere trailing over the campus j 
heading for the various domiciles of the students of the i 
U. of M. Students Avere standing in line to get a chance • 
at the long distance^ telephone and the outfitters in Bangor. | 
Telegrams Avere being sent In-oadcast oA'er the State to the I 
parents of the students for increased alloAvances. From j 
Kittery Point to Passamaquoddy Bay, coavs, hay and pota- I 
toes AA^ere being sacrificed to meet the sudden demand for j 
more "root of all evil." Telegrams began pouring in to | 
tlie faculty from i)arents requesting an explanation. j 

The assembly bell rang summoning cA'erybody to the i 
front. The President of the College demanded an explana- ! 



THE (ilRI. FROM RIVERSIDE DRIVE 



97 




98 REXTTNC; A FURNISHED APART:\IEXT i 

tion for these extraordinan^ proceedings — by unanimous 
request of the students, tlie girl from Riverside took thei 
floor. During tlie four weeks she had been at the Univer-| 
sity, she had virtually made up her Latin and cared little | 
what took place, and, smarting under her treatment byi 
tlie faculty, she was delighted that an opportunity was; 
offered for revenge. Addressing the President she said : I 
^'Statistics show that according to the population' 
there are more unmarried women in New England thau' 
any other portion of the country. There is not a woman 
on earth, wlio if she had to choose between education and \ 
matrimony would take tlie former. One great lielp to ■ 
matrimony of either sex is making one's self attractive. 
When I first came here, because I made myself attractive, 
I was sought after by the male contingent. By your i 
orders, I made myself unattractive and the male gender, | 
somewhat to my relief, ceased their attentions. My fellow 
students saw the result of one making herself attractive 
and decided that the ways of their parents and the de- 
mands of the faculty of this University were a detriment ! 
to their accomplishing the aim of womanhood, so they have : 
decided that the Puritanical customs of New England ; 
must give way to those of the great White Way of New ! 
York. Friday evening, in this assembly hall, you will 
witness the transformation. The paraphernalia I formerly 
wore will be donned again, and that of my fellow students I 
will be a counterpart. Invitations to our dance have been ' 
sent to the youths of Portland, Kineo and Bar Harbor. ; 
The turkey trot, grizzly bear and bunny hug will be in > 
evidence — in fact, we intend to put the X^niversity of Elaine i 
on the map." j 

As the girl from Riverside sat down the President ■ 
requested her attendance at his office in the morning and | 



THE CIRf. FR():\r RIVERSIDE DRIVE 



99 



dismissed tlie students. That nigiit, witli tlie assistance 
of her roommate, tlie New York girl's trunk was packed 
and a taxi ordered to catcli the 4 A. M., Western bound, 
St. John's express. After breakfast at the Union Station 




Old Orchard Beach. 

at Bangor, she boarded the early morning train over the 
Bansor and Aroostook for ^foosehead Lake and her 
father's camp. 

Consternation reigned among the students at the Uni- 
versity after they learned that their queen bee had flown. 



160 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

81iould all that lovely to<>'iverY hovct be worn? Should 
telegrams be sent to tlie boys at Portland, Old Orchard, 
Kineo and l>ar Harbor calling otT the Assembly Ball? 
Unanimonsly tlie students yoted, ncA^erl 

In the closing hours of the summer school a great 
bonfire raged on the campus. Fearing if tliey returned 
home with the outfits they had brought with them, their 
parents would compel them to be worn again, and solicitous 
that they themselyes might not stand the criticism of their 
townspeople, the students decided to cremate all former 
belongings. Calico, the price of wliich had been measured 
by the amount of farm produce to be disposed of, wraps 
that were more appropriate on a horse than a human, were 
piled high on the funeral bier. Stockings that dear old 
gray-haired grandmothers had religiously knit from wool 
raised on the farm, were trailed oyer the campus to their 
doom. Unadorned underwear, liome made shoes and freak- 
ish headgear went up in smoke and, last but not least, 
billets-doux from now discarded, uncouth admirers of 
their native hamlets Avere added to the rest, and as the 
summer school closed the faculty of the U. of M. decided 
to bow to the inevitable, and resolved to name the new 
hall after the girl from Kiverside Drive. 



TRIALS A^D TRIBULATIONS 101 



CHAPTER VIII 

TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS 

Mr. Change was sittino- in an easy chair in the parlor 
reading the morning paper and smoking liis favorite brand 
when he saw a little slip of paper shoved through that 
same little crack beneath the door. The slip read as fol- 
lows : 

*^^To THE Patrons of the Restaurant.^'' 
"On account of a strike of our emplo3^ees, we are unable 
to furnish anv more meals at present. We hope within 
the next twenty-four hours to uuike the necessary arrange- 
ment to continue the service, of which you will be duly 
notified. Regretting the inconvenience this will cause our 
patrons and claiming that it is caused on account of a 
ridiculous demand on the part of our employees, we remain, 

Respectfully y(uirs, 

Ringgold & Co/-" 

A little thing like that did not disturl) ^Ir. Change. Mrs. 
Change was somewhat upset, but the daughter nearly 
went into hysterics. She had invited some friends to a 
card party that very evening and was to have given them 
a dinner in the restaurant. She didn't know what to do, 
but lier mother came to the rescue. She summoned the 
cliautfeur and aAvay tliey went to a fashionable hotel, made 



102 



RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 



the necessary arrangements and engaged taxis to take their 
guests to the banquet. 

Witliin forty-eight hours the restaurant was running 
again, tlie Change family in the meantime having talcen 
their morning coffee and rolls in the kitchen. Mr. Change 
being served at the stationary tubs. The former employees 




The Harbor of New York. 

of the restaurant assembled just outside the apartment 
house and attempted to interview everybody who entered. 
They stopped all strangers, thinking they might be strike- 
breakers. They spoke to tlie ])atrons whom they formerly 
served and tried to exi)lain tlie justice of their contention. 
Thev made tliemselves such an infernal nuisance that the 



TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS 103 

Change family and tlie otlier occupants of the house made 
their entrance and exit from the rear of the apartment 
and through the court that opened on to Riverside Drive. 
The strikers soon found that the restaurant was running 
again, the new employees entering and leaving the build- 
ing througli the basement of an apartment opening into 
the Riverside court. Tliis so angered the striking waiters 
that one night about twelve o'clock, closing time, every- 
body in the Riverside Drive court was awakened by an 
awful racket in the court. The striking waiters had '^aid" 
for the ^^scabs" and as they were about evenly numbered, 
the battle lasted until the police entered the court and 
carted the ringleaders to the police station. During the 
progress of the fight and to get it over as soon as possible, 
the "tenants opened up on the combatants with a fusilade 
of divers and sundry articles and after the battle was over 
the court was a counterpart to the other court at the time 
of the attack on the garbage express. 

Mr. Change always looked forward to the week-end 
l>om a hygienic standpoint. While on his Long Island 
estate a daily bath was part of his toilet. There the water 
supply came from the bowels of the earth— it seems that 
there could be a more cleanly word than bowels— whereas 
in the city it came from the heavens. We are taught that 
above is a much more desirable abode than down below, 
but the water supply of Nassau County, coming via the 
bowels of the earth, is preferable to that coming over the 
surface. Mr. Change soon learned that it was unnecessary 
to go to Mount Clemens, Michigan, to get a mud bath, 
all he had to do was to rent a furnished apartment in New 
York. As the hour of 9 A. M. approached, the time Mr. 
Change usually took a bath, he noticed a little slip of 
paper under the door which read as follows: 



104 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT j 

"You are hereby notified that on account of a nev, 1 
water main connection to be made at West End Avenue 

and 110th Street, tlie water will be shut off this day from ] 

9 A. M. to 4 P. M. Of this take due notice and govern ! 

yourself accordingly. j 

"New York Water Department, | 

"per Kilgor." : 

i 

Mr. Change was too late for his bath, nor did he take ; 
one until tlie next day. When tlie Avater pipes are emptied, i 
touch not, nor taste not for the twenty-four hours follow- ; 
ing unless you are immune from typhoid fever. The water ; 
of New York City has caused many a fall from the water 
wagon. 

Speaking of West End Avenue, there is no more beau- , 
tiful street in the big town. The avenue is wide and un- i 
dulating, both sides are lined by beautiful residences and \ 
imposing apartment houses and apartment hotels. A ! 
smooth pavement it has, and for some reason, greatly to : 
the pleasure of those Avho reside thereon, it is shunned ■ 
by traffic. Along that aAcnue is Avhere the rising genera- ; 
tion of the AAcalthy get their first impression of this life. ! 
ExpensiA'e baby carriages Avith their precious freight, : 
rolled along by AA'liite capped maids, line the Avide, smooth ; 
sidcAA'alks of that liigh, clean and sunlit thoroughfare. In , 
what different surroundings are the offspring of the loAvly 
but a few aA'enue blocks away. What different impressions '■ 
on their innocent minds than of the Avell-to-do. Brought ! 
up in squalor in some foul tenement, fronting on a filthy i 
street, poorly nourislied and clotlied, neglected during the ■ 
day, demoralizing scenes constantly lu'fore tliem, how can i 
any one expect from many of them otlier tlum a criminal i 
life. Y^et from tliat same loealitv come some of our smart- ; 



TRIALS AND TUIIU'LATIONS 



105 



est men and women. l*nl)lie school teachers, who have 
made the ronnds, tell us that the easiest to learn, the quick- 
est of conception, are among the denizens of the great 
unwaslied of the tenements of the ^'East Side/' 

The Change family had been but a niontli in the paved 
city ere they found it was necessary to invest in that 




West End Avenue. 

remedy which Noah was careful to see that the Ark con- 
tained a supply of, before he shoved oft', ''corn salve.'' Noah 
was a wise old coon ; he knew he would need it on Mount 
Ararat. The stone paA'ement, with no respite therefrom, so 
affected all liands, or more properly speaking, all feet, of 
the Change family, that the little round box that is on the 
list of all law-abiding chiropodists became not only a 
household word, but a necessity. Unfortunately for the 



106 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

Change family, about the time that little hard substance 
was in its glory, the not unheard-of occurrence in con- 
nection with all well-regulated elevator apartments took 
place. The elevator stopped running. As Mr. Change, 
with a cane in one hand and a box of ^^one-night" in the 
other, hobbled from the door of the apartment to the 
elevator and rang the bell, a voice came up the elevator 
shaft announcing the excruciating fact that "the elevator is 
not running." Mr. Change resolved then and there that if 
he ever rented another apartment it would be on the ground 
floor. Cane, corns and Change slowly wound their way 
down the seven flights of stairs. One of the elevator boys 
assisted Mr. Change to the waiting car. 

The most unpleasant incident during the occupancy 
of the apartment by the Change family was the sickness and 
death, from tuberculosis, of a young lady in an apartment 
across one of the courts. Some nights she slept on a cot 
near an open window and at other times in a tent on the 
roof. That hacking cough, resounding through the courts, 
came witli the breaking day, and at intervals continued 
throughout her waking hours. A leading physician of the 
city, and a loving and attentive family were near her at 
all times, yet slowly and gradually she passed away. 

How unfortunate it is that through choice or com- 
pelling circumstances those who are threatened with con- 
sumption remain in this city where life is a cause, not a 
cure, for that dreaded disease, when relief is within the 
length of their cable tow. 

In ^Ir. Change's class in the Columbia College Law 
School was a young man from Geneva, N. Y. Two of his 
brothers died from consumption. The family physician 
suggested, and his relatives implored him, to seek some 
other clime before he, too, was stricken. Following the 



TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS 107 

suggestion he went to Denver, Colorado, staging it from 
Omaha. In the high altitude of the Rockies, the germ 
never developed. Today, at the age of 70, on behalf of 
clients he is trying to influence juries in the courts of 
Denver to bring in verdicts contrary to the facts. 

The baseball club in Brooklyn with whom Mr. Change 
in his boyhood days played short stop, had among its 
members a young man seemingly stricken with the white 
plague. Drawing his small stipend from a Williamsburg 
bank, he engaged passage on a boat for Portland, Maine, 
and then to the termiaal of one of the branches of the 
Maine Central Railroad and by stage twenty miles to a 
sporting camp in the dense woods of the Pine Tree State. 
There he met and became intimately acquainted with the 
owner of one of the extensive logging industries of the State 
and became the lumberman's right hand man, living on 
beans, molasses and ozone. Today he is part owner of one 
of the largest wood pulp plants in the State. Although 
he is vice-president of the company he spends his time in 
the yards throwing logs around as if they were tooth- 
picks. 

The graduating class of the preparatory school on 
the Hudson, whieli Miss Change attended, always gave a 
fair, the proceeds therefrom being devoted to sending 
some young woman afflicted with tuberculosis to a certain 
sanitarium in the Adirondacks. The young lady sent by 
the graduating class, of which Miss Change was a member, 
recovered her health in that high, healthy resort, and today 
is an assistant in the sanitarium. Every night on her 
bended knees she thanks the All-Seeing One and the 
Preparatory School for her escape from the most dreaded 
disease, with the possible exception of cancer, that afflicts 
the human race. 



108 



RENTING A FURNISHKI) APARTMENT 



The pale faces of little cliildren appearing at the 
windows of many of the apartments aronsed Mr. Change's 
sympathetic nature. He could onl}^ compare it with the 
Princes in the Tower in the days of Kichard tlie Third. 
How contrary to all laws of nature are the liyes of the 
little ones in those tall iron and concrete structures. 




The Sanitarium in the Adirondacks. 

Brought up on a bottle, so as not to interfere with the 
social engagements of its mother, turned oyer to ignorant 
nurses, nowhere to go except along tlie stony payement of 
the great city, unless it be some ])ark where the grass grows 
to l)e admired, dressed in line, uiKMniirorlablc toggery ])ro- 
hibiting frcM'dom of jiclion, and after an oul ingot an liour 
or two l)r()HgIi( l)aek lo llie <lniige()n. Can a eliibl lay the 



TRIALS AND TiniU'LATIOXS 



100 



foundation of a Iicalfliy and vi\i»orous constitution under 
such conditions, or isn't it more likely that such a life leads 
to disease and early dealli? 

There is an old sayini>- in the country, ''the poorer the 
family, the more dogs/' The more arist(K-ratic the New 




Taking- an Airing. 



York Oity apartment, the more canine ])ets you find therein. 
To those who own an apartment house doii, ''it is the 
sweetest little darlin,i>' on (^arth," but to the lessee who 
rented an aiiartment, not a doj^' kennel, it is different. 
The apartment house dog has a cinch. ITe takes precedent 



110 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

over the children. When his time arrives for an airing, no 
ignorant nurse drags him around by the neck, but some 
member of the family willingly liolds the leash. In the 
apartment just beneath that of Mr. Change was a Pom- 
eranian dog. He slept with his '^missy," and every morn- 
ing about daybreak "the sweet little darling who wouldn't 
harm anybody,'' struck the "tuning up" time. If it had 
been a big St. Bernard, with the occasional basso bark, he 
would not have been a disturber, but not so with a con- 
tinuous high soprano. "How cruel it was for that naughty 
man on the floor above to complain about my little dar- 
ling." A fight between two bull dogs in an apartment 
elevator was one of Mr. Change's experiences. One morn- 
ing, as the elevator stopped at the seventli floor to take on 
Mr. Clmnge on its way down, it had as occupants, besides 
the operator, an elderl}- lady, a bull dog on one end of a 
leash and a woman on the other. At the sixth floor entered 
anotlier bull dog leashed and chaperoned, also by a woman. 
No sooner did the second dog enter the elevator than the 
two dogs sprang at each other, and as the fight i^rogressed 
they wound their leashes around the legs of the elderly 
lady, she losing her balance and falling to tlie floor. Mr. 
Change helped her to her feet while the owners grabbed 
their dogs and unwound the leashes. During the melee the 
East Indian elevator boy continued to operate the lift as 
if a dog fight was of daily occurrence. 



^^BACK TO THE SOIL^' 111 



CHAPTER IX 



A VERY necessary and important adjunct to an apart- 
ment house is the dumb-waiter. It is a delightful revelation 
in New York to discover a waiter where tipping is an un- 
known quantity. This particular waiter is not only dumb 
but also deaf. If it was otherwise, it would not long endure. 
The occupant of an apartment house for amusement need 
not seek vaudeville; all that is necessary is to open the 
door of the dumb-waiter and hearken. All the dialects of 
the Tower of Babel will greet you. You will hear the 
French maid on the top floor finding fault with the ice-man 
for ze smallness of ze cake of ice. The Israelite on the next 
floor will threaten to throw up his lease if he cannot be 
served first, last and all the time. The maid from the 
Emerald Isle on the next floor will be informing the 
butcher that his tough piece of meat spoilt the stew, and 
if he will come up there, she will knock his block off, be- 
gorrah. You will hear the bachelor in cultured English 
acquainting the janitor of the fact that the wine merchant 
assured him that the bottle of Burgundy was also in the 
case when delivered at the apartment. The colored maid 
on the third floor will be informing the laundryman that 
she will lose her position if tlie missing wearing apparel 
is much longer delayed. The German on the second floor 
will bewail the loss of his sauerkraut, and the man on 



112 



HKNTIXO A FT'RXISnKT) APARTMENT 



tlie groimd floor will be accnsi'd of purloiniiii; flie missiiii»- 
boffle of milk, yef tliroii^ii ii all tlu' ])oor waifcr with a 
rope around its neck is palieiilly pci-foniiiiiiLi its diitv wifli- 
ouf am^ lio])e of reward. 

It is doubtful if there is a buildin.u on Manhattan 
Island that some burglar has not visited while plying his 






%\h' 





Riv(a'si(le Drive, Grant's Tomb. j 

vooation, and many of them have had as many burglars as | 
tenants. The ])oliee tell us there are at least ten thousand j 
ex-convicts in the city all the time. How secure^ we f(Md i 
Avhen going home at night, and how delightful it is to 1 
surmise that possibly your felloAv strap-hanger has daily 
marched to the tune of th(^ "lo<-k-step." 

AMicn Ml'. Change was a slock rancher on the plains, 



cc 



HACK TO THE SOU. 



lia 



it naturally required money to buy stock, so lie always 
carried a good sized "roll" and as rolls were usually sought 
after, a gun was a necesary side partner thereto, and as 
a gun is of little eonseiiuenee unless you know how to use 




The Cook Can Wave to the Cop. 



it, Mr. Change through practice became a marksman of no 
mean order. Having acquired the habit of having a gun 
nearlw, especially at night, Mr. Change kept one handy 
while sojourning in the furnislied apartment. 



114 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT j 

From the head of the bed occupied by Mr. Change, ' 

one could see the bedroom windows of several of the apart- i 

ments across the way on the Riverside court. Often busi- ] 

ness affairs disturb one's slumber. One bright moonlit ; 
night about 2 A. M., as Mr. Change lay awake trying to 

solve a business problem of the coming day, he noticed a j 

rope hanging down from tlie roof of the apartment house i 

across the court. While lying there and wondering what • 
the rope was for, he saw a man with a pack on his back 
crawling out of the window of one of tlie apartments. 

The man took hold of the rope and swung himself and pack [ 

from the window sill and slowly, hand under hand, slid \ 
down the rope. Mr. Change knew it was a burglar and 

how to stop him was the question. Mr. Change could have : 
winged him had he chosen, but taking human life was not 

the business he was jjursuing. The fellow had slid down to ! 

about three stories from the ground when Mr. Change i 
concluded to try his markmanship on the rope. The second 
shot severed it and the burglar and his pack lay in a heap 

on the concrete floor of the court. Mr. Change was as \ 

innocent as any of the tenants and this narrative is the | 
first disclosure of who was the cause of the broken leg and 

dislocated shoulder of a certain burglar who was carted ; 

off to the hospital from Riverside Drive at One Hundredth ' 
Street on a bright December morn. 

He was not the only burglar on the beach. The cus- \ 

torn of tlie apartment was not to let any one go up unless ; 

they gave the "countersign," or, in other words, answered ^ 

a few questions propounded to him or lier by one of the : 

attendants. Tlie apartment house in New York is like the i 

shad nets in the Hudson, some fish are bound to slip ■ 
through. 

One rather disagreeable afternoon Mrs. and Miss ' 



^^BACK TO THE SOIL-" 115 

Change decided tliey would stay by their own fireside. A 
ring at the door and there stood a tall heavily-built man 
with iron gray hair. Throwing back the lapel of his coat 
and displaying a sliield, lie informed Mrs. Change that he 
was the gas inspector and was there to examine the gas 
jets to see if there were any leaks. He was admitted. He 
had such a pleasant face and was so far along in life that 
the ladies were not aware that one of tlie worst criminals 
in New York was in their apartment. :Mrs. Change in- 
formed him that they never used the gas only in the gas 
stove. When he informed the ladies that he had found a 
small leak in Mrs. Change's bedroom, she agreed with the 
inspector, remarking that she thought she had detected 
a slight odor of gas, something you can generally find in 
any New York apartment. Tlie '^inspector" lit all the 
gas jets, getting ]\lrs. Cliange, wliile he repaired the sup- 
posed leak in her room, to watch tlie meter dial and see if 
it moved, and stationed the daughter in the bath room to 
see if she could detect any flicker, and as Mr. Change 
remarked on his return, ^'I suppose if I had been here, he 
would had me gazing at some other gas fixture far removed 
from the scene of action." 

In a few moments the ''inspector" came out of the 
bedroom and informed the ladies that he had left some 
of his tools down at the vestibule but would be right back, 
and they better continue to watch the dial and the gas 
jet. Mrs. Change's Avatch and chain, a diamond brooch 
and two diamond rings, which were in one of the bureau 
drawers, left at the same time as the ''gas inspector." The 
only regret Mr. Change expressed Avas that he hadn-t 
turned his artillery on the other burglar instead of the 

rope. 

Among other literature poked under the little crack 



iir> 



RENTINC; A FURNISHED APARTMENT 



below the door was the annoimcemeut that the Woman's 
Political Union was taking a straw vote of the block to 
ascertain the views (►f the male inliabitants 1 hereof with 
regard to the question of ''Votes for Women/' The cir- 




Preferable as Voters to the Scum of Europe. 



cnlar requested tlie voter to write liis vieAVs on tlie en- | 

closed slip of paper and return tlie same in tlie enclosed ; 

envelope. As the envelope Avas stauipinl and addressed, the ; 

receiver could hardlv neglect to c()mi)ly. ^Ir. Change was ' 



117 

handed the request and as it was a matter he considered 
of serious import he wrote his views, as follows: 

^^I believe that an educational and property qualifi- 
cation, especially the former, should determine the question 
of tlie elective franchise. It is unnecessary that the voter 
should speak a dozen languages or own a city block, yet 
the person should be able to read and write the English 
language and be a taxpayer. Any one complying with 
those qualitications and being a citizen of the United 
States and of proper age should have tlie priviledge of 
exercising tlie elective franchise, irrespective of sex, color 
or disposition. *'Mr. Change.'" 

Mr. Change while in Denver in the long ago had a 
narrow escape from losing his life in a hotel fire, having 
had to jump from the fourth floor into a fireman's net, 
and ever after when lie was located above the second floor 
he looked the situation over to see how to get out in case 
of fire. ^Ir. Change was a drummer boy in the Army of the 
Potomac and he never forgot what they used to tell about 
General McClellan. They said that ^'Little Mac" never 
went into a battle until he first figured out how he could 
retreat in case he got whipped, and Mr. Change always 
applied that story when he found himself looking out of 
a window far removed from the ground. Some days after 
the arrival of Mr. Change at the apartment, he made 
inquiries a la General McClellan. There were no outside 
fire-escapes on the apartment house. They always require 
them on fiat houses. For an explanation of this a wag 
in the police department said that the flat houses were 
occupied by the working peox)le and the apartments by 
the idle rich, and the authorities considered it more im- 
portant for the future of the reijublic to save the former 
than tlie latter. 



118 RENTING A FURNISHED APART:MENT 

Mr. Change's first iuqiiiry was met with the reply, 
^^This apartment is fire-proof, it cannot get afire. We 
don't require outside fire-escapes.'' Mr. Cliange had heard 
of the unsinkable ship going to the bottom and tlie un- 
loaded gun killing people, consequently lie classed the fire- 
proof building in the same category. They showed liim 
how easy it was to get down stairs or out on to the roof 
and so descend to adjoining buildings. Tliey claimed tlie 
elevator was fireproof with the rest, and tliat there were 
fireproof stairsi from one story to tlie other, that the coil 
of hose and nozzle was fireproof, that the superintendent 
was fireproof, and as they said about the worldly goods 
of Mrs. Murphy, ''and the pigs are Irish too.'- NotAvith- 
standing all this, Mr. diange never Avent to bed Avhile in 
the apartment Avithout thinking of tlu^ Avise precaution of 
the hero of Ant i eta m. 

The lease on the Change apartment exi)ired on iMarch 
first. As March first came on Sunday, the family intended 
to moAT back to their Long Island home on the preceding 
Saturday. A week before the expiration of the lease, Mrs. 
Change receiA^ed a call from their former serA^ants who 
said they AA'ere dissatisfied Avith their present positions 
and if she Avanted them to return to her employment 
they AA'ould be pleased to do so, to Avhich Mrs. Change gladly 
consented. The Friday night before the Saturday that 
the Change family intended to return to the Long Island 
home was occupied until midnight packing trunks and 
grips, and they all retired feeling happy that on the 
morrow they were to bid good-bye to what Mr. Change 
commenced to call ''the death house." About 2 A. M. the 
whole family Avere brought to their feet by the continuous 
ringing of the telephone, pounding on the door and an 
uproar in the inside court, and the smell of smoke in the 



BACK TO THE SOIL 



119 



apartment. Rushiug to tlie telephone, Mr. Change was 
informed that the apartment house was on fire and on 
account of the heat, the elevator was not running. Mr. 
Change opened the door, but on account of the smoke 
closed it, seeing there was no escape in tliat direction. 
The Change famil}- realized that it was impossible to reach 
or make an exit by the stairs or by the apartments front- 




They Risk Their Lives for Ours. 



iuir on the street. The onlv way they could be saved was 
from the windows opening into the Riverside Drive court. 
Mr. Change had commenced making a rope, so to speak, 
by tieing sheets togetlier, as the fire companies rushed into 
Riverside Drive. The firemen carried extension ladders 
into the court and as the fire had not reached that side of 
the building, the Change family, partially dressed, were 



120 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 

carried down the ladders by the firemen, and through the 
kindness of the tenants of the opposite apartments were 
furnished with shelter and clothing. All the belongings of 
the Change family were lost. The Chauffeur took them to 
the Pennsylvania Terminal and as Mr. Change passed 
under the East River for his Long Island home he prayed 
that the roof of the tunnel would cave in and drown him 
if ever again he w^as doomed to rent a furnished apartment. 



THE END 



w 



i^l. 



''When the Wildwood Was in Flower" 

This book is written in the same entertaiuiuu: § 
manner as the volume you have just read, and tells k 
of the fifteen years the author spent on the plains 
as a stockman, before and after the days of rail- 
roads. The author was a shipper of live stock to 
Cliicago before, during, and after the formation of 
tlie Beef Trust, and relates how he, with other 
stockmen, was driven out . of business by that 
gigantic combination. The book is printed on 
I specially made Avood-cut paper, from large type, 
and contains one hundred and twenty-five pages, 
I fully illustrated with forty half-tone pictures from 
4 photographs, and bound in attractive cloth binding. 
Price one dollar. 

It can be secured at all bookstores, or it Avill ])e 
sent by mail, postpaid, upon receipt of i^rice, $1.00. 

Address all orders to 

J. S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING COMPANY 

Box 767 - - - 57 Rose Street, New York 



h[ 7TiitTrTirfT!iTT^ifrfiiTf^i?rrTirrtifr>iiTrrti^fT Ti ?f^ 



g The first literary effort by G. Smith Stanton, 

I Where the Sportsman Loves to Linger, 

g was pronounced by many of its readers to be one of 

g the most interesting of little volumes. Chief Justice 

g Fuller, of the United States Supreme Court, wrote Mr. 

§ Stanton that it was "the most excellent and vivid 

%ft 

B brochure" he had ever read. The book describes the 

w 

g three most popular canoe trips in the State of Maine 

g — the Allagash, and the East and West Branches of 

g the Penobscot. The author tells most entertainingly 

g of his hunting and fishing experience, and also gives 

^ plenty of information and advice useful to the reader, 

g as he takes him from New York City by the Maine 

g Steamship Company Line to Portland, thence through 

g the Maine woods, and brings him back to the city by the 

§ Fall Kiver Line. The story is one of actual experiences, 

§ and the author was fortunate to have as his companion 

§ Dr. Hazelton, of Bangor, one of the best amateur 

^ camera artists in the country, and the book contains 

% eighty half-tone pictures of the scenery and the wild 

^ animals of the Maine woods. 

§ The book is printed on specially made wood-cut 

^ paper, from large type, contains one hundred and I 

« twenty-five pages, fully illustrated, and is bound in ^ 

^ attractive cloth binding, with printed inset on the l 

» front cover. Price, one dollar. i 

^ It can be secured at all bookstores, or it will be ) 

» sent by mail upon receipt of price, $1.00, | 

g 

I J, S. OQILVIE PUBLISHING COHPANY, I 

i BOX 767. 57 ROSE STREET, NEW YORK. ^ 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




014 221 818 5 



